Happy Summer blockbusters, everybody, welcome to hold up the show where we dive deep inside your childhood nostalgia. Pull the movies from your past out to see if they truly hold up. And this summer, um, hold up with Andrew to my left and Kyle via the Subway Fresh Take Chat hotline.

Lucky you. Yes. And you sound like you're living the dream, my dude. . I'm living it with Jared. Yeah. Holding hands, figuring some stuff out. We're going through it together, but we're gonna get there. I'm happy that you were taking the steps to making yourself , and him , a better person. , The world needs it, , unfortunately they are steps away from playgrounds and swimming pools, but they're, you know, nonetheless steps we have to say one thing. We're not sponsored by Subway. We can be. Yeah, we could, if you have a good Subway connect, like, hit us up, DM us comments. We want to hear it. . We just mentioned, Jared, I don't think that they're going to want to sponsor us anymore.

Hey, get that negative attitude out of here. Talk good, talk bad. Just talk. I mean, come on. We wanna have some good juju going for us. Yeah. And not helping. , Speaking of Jared and bad Juju, Kyle, can you describe your energy level for me today? Oh, this will be interesting. I haven't heard this in a while.

In terms of what? In terms of Western. Oh. So, you know, in the westerns , when they're out in the middle of the desert and , they've been stripped of everything, that they have all their resources and their just. Their horse just died and they're meandering and they go through this little valley, looks like an oasis, and , they come across a watering hole and they're so myopically focused on, the tepid brown water that they start drinking and they look up , and there's a rotting carcass of an antelope in it.

And they, they start throwing up and vomiting, and that's all you ever hear from that character in the entire story. And you assume they're dead. , That's what we're going for today. That's descriptive. Thank you. Deep. Wow. I felt that. Yeah. I felt that. I felt like you just ate Subway. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, that's how I feel.

Well speaking of West, we watched Wild, wild West, . , Starring Will Smith and Kevin Klein.

, Kyle, I'm gonna start with you. I think you're gonna know more than Andrew. 'cause Andrew admitted to me earlier, he never saw this movie as a kid. Nope. So, Kyle, tell me, what do you remember about Wild, wild West as a child, yet again? Another one I did not see in movie theaters, but I do remember the, , the marketing around it. There was a lot of toys, a lot of Happy Meal fo, I don't know if it might've been Burger King. Yes, it was Burger King. I think it was Burger King that did the, , the toys for this one.

, And this was again, around the time of men in Black and. I remember the toys, um, you know, there was a lot of action figures. , I think there was the tank that's in this movie that was out as well. I did a pretty good job marketing it.

, But I remember renting this on home video, and I think my brother and I watched this one. I think this came out around the same time as Remember The Alamo, which is a pretty heavy movie, , that my brother and I watched. , And this was obviously the more lighthearted one. , Out of the two of them.

I remember this really reminding me of like James Bond a lot because of the gadgets, because of , the sound, like the soundtrack that's in there. I remember when I was a kid, , the things that stood out to me the most weren't the things that stood out to me as an adult. Like the, , the heavily sexist.

And racist vibes that are just like , very blatant, like word clay. It was mostly like the, , this movie is extremely sexist and racist. Hey, it fits for the time, you know, , it sure does, but damnit, you know, they, it's, they tried way too hard. It, I didn't, it, it's even brutal for the nineties. I remember that being a big thing as the nineties even kicked back on this.

And if that's happening then, you know, you fucked up. Yeah. , Some of it's funny, most of it's not. And, , but as I kid, , I didn't understand any of that. I just noticed that Selma Hayek was beautiful. , It is child in now. So , that's something that, that's a pillar of consistency.

But aside from that, , the giant spider at the end, , was something that , I vividly remember, , and. They again, the gadgets thought they were so cool as a child and looking back on it now, holy shit, none of that makes any sense. And half of it wasn't even works. Did you guys ever hear the Kevin Smith story on the Giant Spider?

No. No. . So it's on YouTube, it's out there. , it's like an 18 minute video, I think, or something like that where he tells his entire story I can't do it justice like Kevin did, but mainly .

He goes into Warner Brothers after chasing Amy and he's looking for more work and they have like some projects on the board and they were like, here you go. , We're trying to rewrite Superman. , And he's a big comic book guy, knows everything about Superman, big Superman fan. So he was able to work his way into writing , the first draft of this movie.

, But they were like, oh, you gotta go talk to John Peters about it and get his permission. , And John Peters is a producer. He, produced the first Batman. , But he tells Kevin Smith while they're riding it, and again, long story short, and he talks more about how John Peters is just off the wall, tells Kevin Smith, I don't want three things in this movie.

Don't wanna see him fly, don't wanna see him in the suit, and he's gotta fight a giant spider at the end of it. So he is like, okay, so you don't wanna see Superman fly, you don't wanna see Superman in his costume , and you want him to fight a giant spider at the end of it.

John Peters looks at Kevin Smith, he's like, did you know that spiders are the apex predator of the insect world? And that's all he said to him. Tim Burton signed on to direct it and it got canned before it went to shoot.

, Later down the road, Kevin Smith goes and sees Wild, wild West, a movie produced by John Peters and he got his giant mechanical spider after all six feet. Yeah. Just so innovative and genius, , in his writing. , What concept really? What curve concept. What a concept. It's not like it wasn't written by a 12-year-old at all, but like, hell yeah.

Good for him. Beautiful. Kyle, , would you say that you liked this movie as a kid? I was ambivalent. I didn't really, I didn't really give a shit one way or another.

There were so many other good movies that I was watching around, like any of the James Bond movies that remind me of this, or Mission Impossible, , that were like adventure, but like, also like gadgets and shit like that. Like that was, that was pretty cool. This was just kind of like a, eh, and again, I didn't get the comedy when I was that young.

I didn't understand the racial references that were, we're using the word comedy very loosely here. Like air, I mean, quoting. Yeah, it's very forced. I mean, there are some parts that made me laugh out loud, which was good, but it wasn't the parts that I think that they were trying to make funny. Yeah. It was more of just the timing, honestly.

Yeah, the timing was really good at times. But anything that Will Smith was trying to be funny on it was the opposite. And I didn't get any of that again as a kid. It was lost on me, so I didn't care one way around. I only watched this movie once. I, it was not a rewatch versus like, .

You only live twice or the world is not enough or , any of the like Goldeneye, like any of the James Good James Bond movies like that I grew up watching. I would, I rewatched that rewatch Indiana Jones Rewatched The Action, venture Rewatch. This was a one watch and I was like, oh, cool, bye.

,, Andrew, tell me what little you know about this movie. You didn't see it as a kid, right? Uh, no, but I remember the craze about it. I remember , the song and the music video and everyone was talking about it. So in my, I guess 7-year-old mind, six, six and a half year old mind, I think I was going to be seven.

, I thought this was some massive important movie 'cause everyone was flocking to see it in theaters. And yeah, it was a big deal because of the hubbub about it. But the only thing I remember really is the music video and the song and just this, the firestorm of marketing around it.

Can you sing the song? No, I can do dumb. Boom, boom, boom. I can do the beginning. I did the instrumental, but that is about it. I I'm not gonna rap for you. Are you kidding me? That'd be an embarrassment. Kyle, can you sing some of the song? Look, look. A wild look. A wild look. A Wild, wild. Dude fucking killed dude.

A me. That was awesome. Yo, that was so good that that song I think was in the like billboard top 100 when it dropped. Yeah, it was a big hit. I remember at , the dance studio back in the day, there was a big old production number to Wild Wild West, and at the yearly recital, people lost their minds over it.

And it was supposed to be cool, but looking back and thinking about it, , I don't know, I dunno if it lived up to that expectation, but it's a very, it's still a very catchy song. It's very catchy. Very catchy. But it is that, I mean, it's at the height of the big Willie style. Yeah. Kind of, yeah. Era. I mean, it was a standalone track.

I remember my buddy made me like a, back then we, you'd do like mix tapes or like, you know, burn a cd. I'm pretty sure he put that on there. One, one summer and I was like, oh, okay. I get it. Yeah. Pretty, pretty romantic. So romantic. , I actually. I watched this movie a lot as a kid. You would? Yeah, I know.

I fell into it. 'Cause one, I remember the Burger King commercials. I don't know if anybody else remembers those, but, yep, yep. , I vividly remember the one about , the two guys and they're trying to dual in the sun and they can't see, so they just start shooting wildly into , the streets.

And then this random girl shows up and she goes, here, why don't you wear these glasses just like Jim West? And they're like, who's Jim West? Go get , your Jim West glasses for I think it was like two bucks or something, , 

and I remember for whatever reason I had a pair of those. I, and I think that my brother had bought them as a joke in high school and somehow I ended up with them. And they didn't fit at all. They were so narrow. They would only like shield half your eyes from the sun. I bet you looked like such a fucking dork wearing those snow still.

, I bet you got those sunglasses on and stared right into the sun. Yeah, I did. I just remember it made the burn in your eyes worse because like the sun would hit , the lens of the glasses and then reverberate back into your eyes. So you had this like mirror effect? , No. No wonder I didn't end up with cat cataracts after that.

So they weren't polarized lenses, is what you're saying? No. And the, the sunglasses themselves, if anyone else remembers this out there, it was like made out of , like a wired coat hanger. Like they were the most uncomfortable things. They weren't even like plastic. They were just rubber metal. It was weird.

Were they used in abortions? I did live in Alabama, so there was a chance some back alley, back Alley Hannigan. I don't even know if that's back alley. That's like, that's the open, that's finding somebody in a pond somewhere I think that's more of a West Virginia thing.

You know, , sorry to all of our listeners in West Virginia. I know there's quite a few. Yeah, for real. Literally a few. I'm sure they remember the Jim West Abortion glasses. , Glad we've settled on a, an official name. , I watched this movie so much. , I think we went to the theater multiple times to see this.

I do remember liking a lot of the technical stuff in it, like Kyle said, like I liked a lot of the mechanical gadgets and the inventions, , that Gordon was coming up with.

I love that little steam punk style. Not a whole lot of films do that or do it right anyway. And I kind of still appreciate the film for. Having that in it. I think that was the only redeeming quality it had. Not to, well, , don't give it away. Don't. I was about to say, not play my hand. Don't give your thoughts.

All right. It's gonna get worse. Uh, not to play my hand early, but, , I saw this movie a lot, had it on VHS, watched it a lot, but had seen this movie since I was like, maybe 10 years old. , I think it's been that long. Big movie at the time. And, was this at the height of Will Smith's late nineties run? I know he's had, I wouldn't, I wouldn't say it was quite a, well, it might've been because he had done Independence Day Men in Black before this.

Uh, , there was another one in there, wasn't there? Uh, probably. , He was also in Fresh Prince, right? Previously. Which was previous. Yeah. But that, that must have ended, what did that end in 94 or 95 or something like that? Yeah. And his music career. Yeah. And this was, that was, this was the, almost the peak of his music career.

So this was like the, I think this was like where he was starting to cool off and I don't know. 'cause he still did so much more. , That was the peak of his, you know, welcome party to the big screen in a sense. But , he still wanted to do bigger and better things from here, so, yeah. But I think there was like that gap in between for a while. It took, there was some time, yeah, there was some time this, I think this, , movie kind of cooled him off, not like killed his.

His fame, but like it cooled him off for a little bit because he told a reporter that he turned down the Matrix to be in this movie. Oh, , that's a big miss. Good for us though. He says it's the biggest regret of his career at this point, which is understandable. The reason Will Smith took that role too, is because he grew up a big fan of Jim West and Wild Wild West.

It was one of those shows which , we, should mention that this isn't just a movie just written outta thin air. This is based on the TV show. . Well, I'm sure they did it justice. They didn't, , but speaking of Justice Andrew, , is this movie justified in being made?

Ah, I mean, why don't we go over some numbers? And those numbers , can speak for its justification, if you will. , , largest budget ever for any movie ever created up to this point.

, 170 million was the budget. I'm pretty sure there have been other movies in recent years. I'm pretty sure Oppenheimer had a bigger budget than that. , I'm pretty sure that Avatar had a bigger budget. Could be wrong on Avatar, but I'm pretty sure Oppenheimer's was more than 170 million.

I thought it was in the three hundreds. Um, but $170 million budget and just after watching that, I don't think it justified 170 million. That is such a, that is such a massive budget. Yeah, I mean it's just the amount of CGI that's in that movie. It's profound. Yeah. And it was just , the highlight and the dawn of CGI, there's also a lot of location shoots and a lot , there were some practical effects.

They were used a lot of train, like a lot of like the train that's in there as used and that's a real train. Like , they, had , some interesting stuff happen and also some of the players in that movie at that time, will Smith was pretty, pretty big. I mean, I'm sure Will Smith got paid a pretty penny at that point, but.

, This is to date , as of as the last time I looked. This is to date Warner Brothers most expensive movie they made. That sounds about right, because , I just looked it up. Star Wars, the Force Awakens had a budget of 447 million. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, there you go.

, We were talking about CGI and whatnot. , The background of Monument Valley, that didn't look real to me. Was that real? Did they actually film in Monument Valley? It might have. It did not. It did not look real. It looked green screen to me. It did. It did. It looked fake. I could be wrong and we should probably have that factoid on hand, but it looked fake.

And that's something that if they really fake that, I mean. WI, maybe they can't film there for historical reasons and you know, it being government property and it's, you know, sacred land, but it looked fake. That's such a beautiful landscape. And for the money that they had, I dunno, kind of pisses me off, but $170 million budgets, uh, domestic grossed altogether, 113,000,008, some change, you know, not great.

Uh, international, 108 million altogether for a measly 222 million and just made some of the money back then, but it was a commercial failure. Mm-hmm. Like an absolute flop. But the amount of money they put into it and they only got, , 50 million I guess back. Like, that's not, that's nothing.

You know? The budget doesn't even account for the marketing and that that movie was marketed too. Yeah. So there's no telling the loss there. I mean, definitely a bomb. I remember at the time liking it as a kid, but I remember all like the adults being like, that movie really sucked.

Yeah. I don't know if anybody else remembered that. Well, don't give it away. We haven't, we haven't even gotten into it yet. So I'm, I'm not even giving it away. It could redeem itself. I'm just saying at what was said at the time in 1998. Yeah. Well, those are the numbers and we can let that speak for itself.

, Are we ready to get into it or were you ready to find out if this movie , stood the test of time? Yeah, let's, do that. Let's get into it. I wanna start with something that immediately pissed me off. So we opened this movie and you see this guy running through the woods. It's like a scientist at the time.

We don't really know. Turns out he is, but he's being chased by a saw blade and he's got a collar on his neck. And the collar is kind of like, looks like a giant funnel. His head's sitting in and it's metal. And this saw blade is just chasing him down at the speed of sound. And somehow this guy is able to outrun it for the most part, while mouthing off exposition.

I have to tell the president, I have to tell President Grant giant Spider. And he's running for his freaking life through these woods or cornfield as this giant saw blade is coming after him. And eventually it reaches up to him and cuts his head off.

And then we're introduced to who? Andrew general Bloodbath McGrath. Yeah. And he's got, the horn for the ear. What, what do you even call that thing? A earring aid. Yeah. But it, it takes the place of like a, it looks like, like agram phone or something like that.

It's like it's mini gold gramophone. It's his hearing aid and his. Right or left. I don't fucking remember. Um, but yeah. But what, what is he wearing? I think it's important. Uh, he's wearing like old, like confederate garb, isn't he? Yeah. Like his general outfit. And the war has ended. War has ended. We're a year after.

And it looks like he hasn't washed it either. He doesn't look like he's washed. Well, that's also important. What year is this now? 1865. So the, the war just, and it's not even a year. That's gonna be important after the war. That's gonna be important. , We're in post Civil War era, but like, just barely, just, so Lincoln just got assassinated.

, And then we get the only thing in this movie that's okay is , the opening credits are styled after the Wild, wild West TV show from I guess the sixties. I didn't even look it up. Yeah, I, I caught that. What a, what a reference.

So real neat for all the true film buffs out there, you know? Um, and especially Andrew with you being a big time fan of that show. Oh yeah. We know so much about it. We're introduced to Jim West, played by Will Smith, and , he's in some like, water tower. Water tower. , I don't, I guess that's what you call that.

There's tons of s in this water tower too. It's like a fucking, it's like a penthouse. Yeah. Like how did they get that up there? I dunno. But he is in the, they he's in the water naked, making out with some woman. And I don't mean to like point this out for 1865, but they're both black.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. What did say Chase? How, how are they able in a southern town? 'cause I, they do reference being in a southern town able to, not only. Get through that town and get into the water tower, but also bring all that stuff with them. As my grandma always said, if there's a will, there's a way. No pun intended either.

No, his name did you mean to do that? His name is Will Smith. I, I did mean to do that, but um, you know, I didn't think much on it. It's a fictionalized blockbuster. You know, who cares? You, you're already drawn to Will Smith. He's hot.

He's making out with someone who's hot. You can tell that he's got some special power and special abilities to him. So who gives a shit? You know, let him be black and let him be in the south. Who gives a fuck? He's very arrogant to his character. Oh, he's incredibly arrogantly, arrogant and kind of like just an asshole.

Yeah. He is a prick, but he's a prick. , As he's making out with this woman, he's kind of. Overhearing some commotion on the streets. There's a big wagon approaching. Yeah. With a bunch of rednecks and people with horses and whips and guns. And what happens, they, they, they roll up, they start unpacking.

No, they start, they start packing shit. So he see there's a little like, oh, pee hole in the wall that he's kind of looking out of in the water tower. And this is where we get our first force, really bad force, gag of the movie, which is he's making out with this woman.

And he's slowly, she's trying to, she thank you, Andrew. And he's slowly, like crooning his head over while trying to make out with her and moving his lips. And then all of a sudden his, he peels his lips away, but he's still acting like he's kissing her. And then they cut to outside and they're throwing shit around, cut back in there, and he's moved his head farther over, but she's kissing his like neck now and then move on.

And he's still mouthing like he's kissing her even though he knows he's not kissing her. And then he's fully has his head turned around and she's just staring at him and he's just moving almost like, he's like chewing on something. It was so, so fucking stupid. Good physical comedy, just excellence. Yeah.

Hilarious. Yeah. Really great buster. Good physical and situational comedy. I look at that moment as a, a crowning point of comedy from start to finish. From the very beginning Yeah. To the end of time. It was really, really, really dumb. Yeah. And , he looks at the peephole, he sees these dudes.

, Well the big thing is he's trying to find bloodbath McGrath. Yeah, sure. The character that we saw at the beginning. Yeah. So that's why he's there in this town. And that's why he eventually ends up following this like. Wagon full of shit. Well, I think it was like what? Nitrates or ni nitro? I don't It was something that was flammable.

Nitroglycerin. Nitroglycerin, yes. Okay. Yeah, it's flammable and it, it's not flammable. It's an explosive that if, if you jostle it around too much, it will, it will combust. It will, um, not combust. Yeah, it will, it will blow up. So what, what do we do? We just giddy up horsey.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, the, wagon hits the water tower. It falls over and he pops out naked on the ground and starts fighting , these rednecks naked. Mm-hmm. And they're impressed. They're impressed because he's well endowed and , they look at him and they're like, oh, what you got there?

I don't know what they said, but there was a moment where like one of the guys he was fighting like falls to the ground and like, looks up and he's looking right at his crotch and you can see him like. Just stare. And like his face becomes that of a horror. Yeah. Like mouth the gate, ready to take, what's that?

Monster? A few inches from my face. Holy shit. So that's a big snake. Hey, stereotypes. But if there's a will, there's a way. Um, but eventually he ends up following this. Or taken, I guess he took the wagon and followed it all the way to this plant. He hung on the rope swing inside the barn to catapult him on the moving wagon that was unmanned and simply being pulled by horses.

He catapulted himself, landed on it kinda like a slingshot at the end. And this horse is horse wagon Carriage thing is just driving into the woods at full speed and he's trying to stop it or do something. , , he gets onto the front of it and he just , follows it wherever it goes. No, that's right.

He, he, he jumps on that front horse. That's right. It ends up in this like, brothel bar, brothel plantation. Sa sa It was a saloon, brothel plantation combo. . I looked around and I was like, where the fuck are they? Saloon, brothel, plantation combo. That's where they're at. ,

i'm sure they had plenty of those in the south at the time. But he ends up going there thinking he's gonna find bloodbath McGrath and here we are. He is gonna find bloodbath McGrath. 'cause we go to him and he's hitting on this woman in the corner, which we'll get to in a sack. He's trying to pick out his pro. Right. And everyone else is hitting on this woman too. But she is trying to get at bloodbath. She wants him. And tell me now, is this woman a, an actual woman?

Is she, is she a woman? Trial die. What con what defines a woman? That's why I'm asking here. We gotta, we gotta set the, this ain't no real woman. No, it's not. This woman ain't, this woman ain't identifying as a woman neither. This woman is an imposter. This is a character. This is Kevin Klein.

This is, , agent Gordon. Yeah. , He is moonlighting as this prostitute to try to get bloodbath McGrath alone, which she ends up doing or he ends up doing because Gordon is trying to do the same thing that, Jim West is trying to do. They have the same motive here. Same goals. How about that? That's great Writing, connecting two characters with the same goal within the first 10 minutes of the movie.

I mean Wow. , And this is the first instance of the movie where they keep fucking each other over. Yeah. Um, or at least being complete morons so he gets blood bath in the upstairs room and pulls his, I guess the belt or whatever he had, and it was like two fucking like discs spinning around.

So it hypnotized blood bath McGrath and it was a hypnotizing board. Yeah. And like one of those things, it works on his belt and it's working for the most part, except he, he turns around and turns. He think he's a dog though. Yeah. Yeah. He thinks he is a dog and can't speak. He commands him. Honestly, I'm gonna be honest, I thought part was actually pretty funny.

It was funny because he, like, now you are a dog and now you will, , you'll speak to me. And he goes and he goes, alright, now you will tell me everything you know about. Dr. Lovelace and he goes, and I was like, that guy. That's pretty funny. That's it. Was, I actually got a, I gotta say this.

One of the funniest things that happened in this movie was they opened a door prior to this, um, trying to find a bedroom to go into and. He opens the door and goes, oh, that's a new one. And then you hear a goat move around and then they shut the door.

And I was like, yeah, room's occupied. So it was like, that's actually pretty funny. That's, but the, the belt stops working and bloodbath kind of starts coming out of his hypnotized stage and grabs a knife out of his boot. And at that point in time, Jim West flies through the window because that's what he does and interrupts the whole thing and knocks blood bath and conscious he accosts blood bath.

Yeah. Takes him out. Take them out. So the movie should be over right now. But instead, , Kevin Klein's character does not reveal himself to Jim West immediately. He , keeps pretending. He's this prostitute, this woman prostitutes, which allows blood bath to escape. And then there's just chaos within the whole building.

And then that's when he reveals to him after blood bath's already gotten away, he's like, I'm a US marshal. And they now know that they're on the same mission at that point. What happens next, Kyle, at this point, he gets away.

They go their separate ways, but we go to Washington DC and we end up in the Oval Office. Jim West goes in to meet the president who is Ulysses S Grant, the War General. , And he's talking to him and he's General Grant. He's like talking to him about like, you know, what he's helped with , and general grant's like, you know, I want you to work with a partner of mine is, he's a US marshal and he's he is brilliant.

One would say he is one of the best of his kind in the field and Jim West goes well, what's he, what does he, does? He, he says something about a ring. He goes like, what's that, what's that ring you got on? He's like, no. He says, who are you? Yeah, he, and he pulls out a gun and he is like, tell me again, who are you?

And that's when he's like, I'm Ulysses S Grant. , What do you mean? And then he was like, no, you're not. Your ring says Harvard Ulysses S Grant went to West Point Was his west It was, yeah. Yeah, it was the ring. And then that kinda ruined it. And then Ulysses s Grant walks in, and then we find out who was played by Morton?

Is that his name? No, he's, he's played by Kevin Klein. Oh, it is Kevin Kle. What's the character's name? What's his character's name? Gordon. Gordon. Not Morton, sorry. Yes. Gordon. What's his, what's his first name? Can we spell that out? Artemis Gordon. Artemis, that's right. 'cause Selma calls him R We'll get there.

. Yeah. And then what happens next? They think bloodbath is the, is the, the villain who is making all of these scientists disappear. That that was what, , Ulysses S Grant , was worried about. He received a cake that had a bunch of spiders crawling out of it, and there was some notes. And, , this sounds like I'm fucking making it up, but it's not.

And he received some notes. Somebody made it up. Yeah. , And there was a threat that they were going to, whoever wrote that letter was gonna come, , sack the US government, , with the help of the multiple scientists they've kidnapped and captured, uh, which sounds like bullshit, but that is exactly what happened.

Yep. And, yeah, they team up together, , Artie and, , Jim and, yeah, I don't remember what the, I don't even remember what the fucking next scene is. They go to New Orleans, go on the train. Now they gotta go to New Orleans because they know that blood bath is gonna be at some debutante ball or some shit like that.

, Which honestly, . Before they even get there, it looked like the same scene, but from the previous, they get on the train and you know, they're bickering. 'cause they're two opposites. Gordon is a scientist himself and an inventor and like, he's, he's a nerd, he's a dork. And, and Jim West is a cowboy, a strapping young man who's in the army and you know, and shoots everything.

Yeah. Like he shoots his beer open. , That's the kind of cowboy he is. He's always constantly shooting something or pulling his gun out. Really, really great character. Expose. Yeah, it's, oh, so it's perfect. And then they kinda like get like in this little tussle on the train where at one point Gordon does this thing, I don't know Kyle, if you notice this in movies a lot, but he pretends to know karate and why does this happen so much where they do this like.

Really fake kind of karate stance and whatnot, and the other character just sits there and lets him do it. Yeah. And you know, it's just a plot to like, do something else. And in this case it's just way for them to look dumb. , But it also, like, I, I think it's a fucking cheap gag because, it insinuates that , karate's kind of dumb or martial arts in general are kind of fucking stupid.

Or that, well, you could, you could just, like, here we're, , but it's just a cheap gag. It's cheap, it's cheap writing, it's cheap everything. So it never really works. I've never really seen it work well, , except for in rush hour. , And that's about it.

So Jackie Chan. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're following that up with an actual martial artist though. And this one is just you two idiots and it makes Jim West look dumb and it makes Gordon look dumb. Well, they kind of are in a sense, but yeah, they repeatedly do dumb things in this movie and I don't know how.

Anyway, we'll, we will get to more of it, I promise. Uh, but they're on there, this train in New Orleans, they're going to some ball to catch bloodbath, , which, trying to go back two different ways. What, and I wanna bring this back to everyone's attention. They're on their way to New Orleans and Gordon goes, we need to figure out where bloodbath is.

And he's like, he's in New Orleans. And it cuts to a scene where he has the head of the scientist we saw at the beginning. Oh, that's right. Yeah. That's, that's an important scene. And puts him on the table and it's a perfectly preserved head. That's been sitting on the table like in open air for about two weeks now probably.

And how many times does, will Smith point out that that's a human head He says it at, not that is the human. He says it, I think five times, five different times. And he changes it each time. And he ends it with how Kyle just said it. Yeah. And it was just like, all right, we got the points. That's, that's exactly where like some of this, like, they tried way too hard, but by, and then trying hard, they were lazy as fuck.

Yeah. So that, none of that is funny. Like so I can, you're repeating the same thing over and over again and just changing the way you say it can be funny sometimes. This is not that. Because he was trying to make it funny. And when you try to make it funny, it's not funny. Well, and I can even speak to that ' a lot of that budget that we talked about, that inflated budget came from Reshoots.

They re-shot a lot of the movie to add humor to it because when they , sent it through a test audience, they were so confused. They were like, we don't know what this is, is this supposed to be a comedy? And they took that as, we need to add more comedy to this movie. So shit like that where they're just like emphasizing one line over and over again to try to get you to laugh is the result.

And in this scene is painful. Well, will Smith has a good career as a comedian. So , they relied on the right person. . And this head is sitting there on the table and he comes up with this idea that, , the last image that you've seen is a human is burned into your retina, your brain.

So he, he fucking projects light from the back of his head, through his eyes on the wall, through his skull, through his skull. And it's a blurry picture. It's actually, it's upside down. So , they turn his head upside down to get it upside right. And then it's blurry, which is why if you already knew that, why the fuck didn't you do that in the first place?

I don't fucking know. And then it was, it was, it was so easy too to do, like, it was so easy. All you had to do was shine the light and turn it, and then they. He's blurry. Will Smith's like, well, he needed glasses in his reality, so he put glasses on him and this tiny, tiny little note on the wall, they're able to sit there and read everything word for word that bloodbath McGrath is gonna be at this ball in New Orleans, essentially.

Which they knew, which they knew to begin with. Why did we need this scene? We didn't need it. Oh, it was pointless. Again, like, it's like the writiers were like insecure or felt, worried about what they had written and they needed this little, you know, nuggets to make it worthwhile and make it seem like it was actually, you know.

I, I don't fucking get it. Ah, yeah, whatever. , They also discuss about, their plan as to how they will, , attack or, , ACOs. Is this where we get the boob joke? Yes. Yeah.

It's a scene for this movie. Everyone remembers though, artemis is wanting to dress up. Essentially, and Will Smith or Jim is like, no, I'm not doing that. I'm a cowboy. , I don't dress up. You can do your thing. And as we know, Artemis was, a lady pros in the previous, you know, scene, and he pulls out , his fake tits.

Lady Pros sounds like a punk rock band. I'm gonna start it. , Pulls out his fake tits and will squeezes him. , And it's dumb. It's not, it's, and the conductor is behind them the entire time hearing their conversation about grabbing breasts. And it's like, oh, oh. I guess I knew all along as if they were, , he knew that they were gay, but that wasn't the case at all.

Just awful. It's, it's just dumb. Which I'm, I say Gordon does give a good advice in this 'cause he's like, you're just gonna march into a southern plantation party as a black man with ex uh, Confederate soldiers in there. Yeah. And just. Start shooting, like, and he is like, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna do that. Like, but I guess they don't really even divulge what either's plan is in that sense.

, Besides, , Jim going guns blazing and Artemis, I guess disguising, but we don't, , we're not privy to any particulars. He, he seems unworried by this. Yeah. Like he seems unworried you would think that they would have more of a plan going into something of, such importance. But I wrote my notes.

Does he know he's black in the south? Like in 1865? He doesn't get what they do to be, to be fair, they do get into that when shit hits the fan, but they do, it's. Very silly. It's, it's just silly. The fact that he went, it's not even real, but the fact that he went this far, I mean, he get, they get into the party and he's just walking around the party and no one like really says a word.

You know, you get, he gets glances every now and again. Yeah. He gets, , confronted by some lady escorts who are seemingly very interested in him also Chinese. Yes. , So how is she existing in this world too? In the south? Hey, I love it. I love it. You know, anyway, um, so she's trying to seduce him at this point.

, But that's irrelevant. We are walking around the party. Dr. Loveless, who has already been introduced to us briefly gets his , real introduction here. Yeah. There's a cake, a assuming cake or something of Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln busted Abraham Lincoln and it explodes and he jumps up out of it.

And he is a quadriplegic. He's a, no, he's not, he's just a paraplegic. But he comes out, , he's done some kind of like Stephen Hawking rendition, steampunk 1850s wheelchair. It's a locomotive wheelchair. It's a steam locomotive wheelchair. Yes. And he comes out of that, and I, the first thing I think of is like, well, if he was in the war, there's zero chance he would've lived with that injury.

There's no way he's missing his legs from the hips down. Like he's not, he doesn't even have any hips. So I'm like, and he goes through, he starts going through all this, like, why y'all look like you've seen a ghost? Like, ha ha, why the south lose? I love the south and I, I lost 35 feet of intestine and my bladder, and they're right to, you know, have children.

, He lost everything. , There's no way that man would've survived. I don't care what type of technology he had. Also, I just wanna say I love Kenneth Browna. I do think he's great. Although he was really good. He was, he was very funny. I was funny. I'll say this. His performance is good, but he delivers one of the worst southern accents a British man has ever delivered in the history of film.

, That's pretty egregious too, I think. Think it's really egregious. I don't think it was that bad. I thought it was, it was cartoony, but thought, but I thought, I thought it passed. I think it was supposed to be cartoony. I think it was more than fine. I, but I, I don't, I don't disagree.

It was a little chinsy, but I think it, it's cartoony. He broke it several times too. 'cause he was trying to do too cartoony of a voice. So it did break at multiple times. I was never bothered by it. But I appreciate your opinion and I'm glad we have some descent for one time.

Um, the descent on the descent. Yeah. Like how much we hate this movie. I don't hate it. I never said that. , But yeah. So where the fuck are we? , I do wanna make mention of the woman too that is trying to seduce Will Smith.

'cause she's trying to get him into like a certain area. She's like, what? , Meet me in the foyer. She says it multiple times until he finally correct him. Or he corrects her. , And then we meet Selma Hayek's character. We already, we actually saw her in that previous scene at the saloon, brothel and Plantation.

Yes. She's, but she was, it was very brief, in and out brief. She's been quote unquote entertainer who's not really an entertainer. She's, she has ulterior motives. We don't know what they are and we, yeah. Yeah. . Jim West goes into the room with the Asian lady and she's seducing him. Well, even before that, . West has a confrontation with loveless. They exchange barbs. , West makes some jokes about, oh my God, about loveless not having legs.

And Loveless makes some jokes about, you know, Jim West being black, and it was very in your face, but also like veiled. And, you know, just pun, it's not the only time in this movie that this happens. No. It, and there's a lot of word play that's just not, I would, I wouldn't hesitate to even call it word play because, it's just a, it's like , oh, bless his heart kind of shit.

Yeah. They're basically playing tennis with. Derogatory sentences and phrases, but it's brief. It doesn't last long. They go their own ways. What was Andrew? What was one of them? I know that the ending, he goes, you know what they say about a, a bad woman, they'll cut the legs right off.

Yeah. That the one that I remember. Uh, and at that point, Loveless like rolls his eyes and like wheels away. And that's, that is when he goes into his office and he meets with, uh, what fuck, what's his name? McGrath. Bloodbath. McGrath.. Yeah. And this is important because Will Smith knows that and , he's eavesdropping.

Which, , you would think that Loveless, well maybe Loveless did it on purpose, but he's out right outside the office listening in, eavesdropping and Loveless tells bloodbath, you know, Hey, get , your troops together, son. Get your troops together. We're gonna meet at this lake right here, ex marks the spot.

And he's like, I'll see you there at 10:00 PM tonight. And Jim West is like, oh, I just learned something. Okay, cool, cool. They disperse, they leave. This is when Jim goes in to, , the office and he takes the paper that was the pad that was written on by Loveless and starts scraping it, , with, , a flat piece of metal to see, you know, when you write, , someone help me here, you're, you know, like those old receipts.

Like, like tracing paper. Yeah. Tracing paper in a sense. And , he traces out what was written by Loveless and realizes that, there's an X on this map by this lake. So obviously they're meeting there. Woo-hoo light bulbs going off. Cool. Nito gotta get there at this spot in the lake by 10:00 PM tonight.

And at that point, , he's once again confronted by the Asian prostitute. , And she tries to make a move on him, but outta the corner of his eye, he sees someone moving on the wall that looks like they should be a painting, but it is a person and he has a gun. And then he pulls out his gun and shoots that person.

That person shoots the Asian prostitute. No. And he turns around. Doesn't , it's he the Asian prostitute. He looks in the Asian prostitute's eye and sees that she's looking at somebody he ducked very briefly and the guy who was gonna shoot Will Smith Yeah. Shoots the Asian Pross, the Asian lady, right in the face after she shows her song.

All semantics. Yeah. And yes. And then, then he goes on a killing spree immediately goes. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And you don't even see who's shooting at. And he's walking out and all of a sudden you just see a guy fall from the ceiling. And two other guys, apparently there was a whole bunch of assassins waiting for him in perpetuity that just knew he was gonna be there the whole time.

And they weren't hiding, waiting in the fucking pictures. And we never saw them at all. Dumb hell. But he kills 'em all. Dumb hell. And he walks out and , he's he free and able to do as he pleases, as the night goes on. The next thing he does is he pleases, he goes down and talks to the woman that he thinks is

agent Gordon. Yes. And it's not. And he, he, it's a woman who looks just like him and dressed up. He proceeds to, he proceeds to, , play bong, goes on her boobies, and then that the whole crowd is in an uproar to which they decide. Agent Gordon. Agent Gordon, who is , dressed up as a Frenchman goes, , an and they all him, which I'm surprised that we, I'm surprised we, this was the first point in this movie.

We got that reference. Of a hanging. But yeah, , he gets taken outside and then, , they, this is where like there's a com slightly comedic scene where there are some funny things happening where he tries to convince the crowd that , he's playing the smart man with the dumb crowd and he's trying to convince him like, Hey, listen, like I, where I come from, like, I'm really dumb and like where I come from and my homeland.

And somebody goes, Georgia. And he goes, I thought, I thought that was pretty fucking funny. That was funny. Yeah, it was pretty good timing. That was the only funny part of that scene. But he, 'cause everything else, he's like, he tries to like butter him up and he tries to talk about like, oh my gosh.

, When I said redneck ball, I mean, you know, you should be proud of being a redneck. 'cause red is as powerful and empowering. And neck is. And neck is. And he kept on doing the thing where they, he says the same fucking word. It's just poor piss poor writing. Repetition is not comedy, which I, no, and I don't think redneck was a term at that point in time.

It was not, I don't believe. Um, so , they're gonna hang him. But our friend, agent Gordon busts out in the chariot, right? And , the rope that they were gonna hang him on somehow Gordon switched the rope out for some elastic fucking rope, which was zero chance.

Zero chance ever. That was, that something like that was even made back then. Nothing like that. There was no master production of rubber like that fucking bullshit horse shit. So my head hurts. He was like, , , I wasn't actually gonna have him hang you because it is this rope that I gave him.

He was the last thing. Huh. So he, long story short, will Smith like, is gonna use , that rope to propel himself to jump into the chariot with Selma Hayek and Kevin Klein. And now they're all together and now they're moving towards the train, towards the, , the ex marks the spot Will Smith goes, , fuck y'all.

I'm out. I'm gonna go to get there ahead of you because I'm a , stud. And, uh, he jumps on one of the horses, unclips it. Somehow we get a closeup shot of him, unc clipping himself. We're supposed to believe it. That's all it needed to happen to us. It's very realistic.

What are you talking about? It's super realistic. Yeah. Kicks himself off. And then in the me and while af while after that happens, we go to a metal steamboat, which did exist, but they didn't look like that. And it has like a whole bunch of the, uh, the foreign ind dignitaries and loveless and general blood back the grass looking over on the riverfront to a bunch of confederate holdouts who are like, meandering around.

Like, what are we, what are we even doing here? And, , all of a sudden, a tank appears. And start a tank. Tank in the 18 hundreds. Whoa, whoa. Yeah. And, okay, little sub tank, not even just a tank. I wanna stop you there. This invention is a sub tank. It gets right out of the water with all the port holes and shit in it.

Somebody's drowning in that thing. . And , they did have submarines back then. , That's something they did have, they had submarines and they had metal. The steel hold bolt booths. The word tank did not exist in that sense until World War I. So everybody go fuck themselves with a rubber hose. And then this tank, this sub turn tank do? It just kills all of these soldiers. It kills everybody. It just kills all the Confederate soldiers.

Bud Math McGrath goes, I can't believe that you would do this to him. How could you do, I'll kill you. And he takes out his gun and Loveless just goes, huh, bet I have a gadget for that. And slams down this little big grass button. What he says is, you go to hell. And he's like, after you, sir. And like, shoots him, shoots from his like shotgun wheelchair, which will come into play later.

And why did Loveless want to kill these, uh, these soldiers to test out his tank? Because they Yes. But he also was s pissed that they, they, that, that the Confederates surrendered. Surrendered. And he lost all of that stuff below for nothing. Yeah. So all in vain, , very vain. He's very bitter. And he's an evil, that evil genius.

So bad combo. Yeah. That, that all happens. And then , the tank disappears, and then Will Smith arrives on scene, sees all the bloodbath, , and then immediately after him, so there was zero need for the two of them to detach themselves. Will Smith is just a prick. And they're talking like, well, what happened here?

I wonder, well, there's, there's track marks in the, it moved in 183 circle, and it looks like there's a current revolving. This reminds me of fucking West Liberty. Oh yeah. Whoa. What a, what a plot point. Let's go there. West Liberty. What, what happened in West Liberty that we, we somehow now unfolding learn chase, because now, now it gets poignant.

Right? Chase? Yeah. Yeah. 'cause now they learn that this has happened before. , Or at least what Will Smith had heard from all the people at West Liberty, west Liberty was, , like where all some of the free slaves were going. Yeah. After the war. Yeah. They settled there, right on the river. 'cause they got over the river and they were in free territory and that's where they lived. And then he's, he saw a similar carnage there.

So he understands that this tank or whatever this was that did, this is the same thing that happened at West Liberty, he gets emotional over this, which you find out later why he gets We'll get there. Yeah. And, and then they hear like some rustling in the, in the river.

The river bank. Yeah. And it's. And bloodbath McGrath and he is on his last leg at this point, last lung bleeding out on the riverbed, and he has this whole conversation with Will Smith. Where he tells him, oh, it's Loveless, you want, Loveless is the one that did all this. He's the one that did it at West Liberty too, so you can shoot me all you want, but he's the real enemy and I'm going to hell see ya.

Yeah. And Will and he dies. Will Will Smith is like, where's he at? And then so he's gone through all this exposition and then just dies. Dies conveniently just, just right there, last breath. And then he's like, where's he going? I don't know where he is going. And then Selma Hayek like, I know. And then that's, so it's like we're just, we're really point A, point B.

Really point A to point B. Like there is no, there's no stakes here. Also, Selma Hayek showing up here was just. We didn't even touch upon that. What's his name? Gordon rescues her from some cage in some like sex dungeon bedroom at that house in New Orleans. That's pretty much it. Lots of sex. Yeah, lots of sex.

Lots of innuendo in this. Yeah. Um, he just rescues her. He sees her in some cage, like, I think I know you from somewhere, blah, blah, blah. They probably saw each other at that previous, , saloon, , whorehouse and plantation scene. And he just rescues her and takes her along and that's why she's with him.

Yeah. And at this point she's like, I know where he is at Chase. You can, you can, you know, expound upon that. So she's saying he's off to . Utah. Utah. Uta. Yeah. Utah and uta. So they're off to uta and because Loveless is going to show something to this convention of people from other countries, basically these.

I guess you, what would you call 'em? Like in like businessmen or dignitaries? They're mil one. Yeah, so they're all heading to Utah for this big convention. So Loveless can sell them something in Spider Canyon. In Spider Canyon, uh, right it right itself. So they're back on, right. They're back on the train though, right?

Yes. And now we get the Selma Hayek hour where , all we do is we spend no kidding, 10 minutes of these two. Fighting. Just, just like fighting and just throwing themselves, no shame. Throwing themselves at Selma Hayek on this, making sexual innuendos. They even put her unwillingly and they put her in this, like give her this, these clothes for her to sleep in.

And just like giant pajamas, like fashioned pajamas. A door in the back of it and the ass is just hanging out. Yeah. Assless pajamas. Yeah. It's not assless, it's just, there's a, just a little window and it's unbuttoned. It's that back flap for those old school pajamas. It's would shit. So they didn't have to pull their pants down.

And it hangs so low that it, it literally lines up with her, her ass. It, well, it shows like the top of her ass crack. It didn't even get the full thing. We didn't get the full thing. But so, and this is just like. All right. This just got 'em. And then they're falling asleep and they're making those awful jokes.

, What do they say about, oh, they mentioned breasts and Oh God. We have to figure out one of these lines. Whoa. You didn't want to go through the trading bars between the, , the paraplegic and the fucking black guy? I don't, but we gotta go through this because the actually, it made me laugh in a pathetic way.

Like it was a sympathy laugh. , Oh, we gotta get a good night's ass or a good, good ass. I don't wait was good ass. Yeah, no, he said something. He was like, I hope you had the breath night's sleep. That's a breath night's sleep.

Yeah, but he's, but he kept on like, fucking up a word. Somewhere in that phrase, it wasn't the exact phrase, but that's the exact what it was. That was kind of funny. Yeah, it was. I think he did say, let's get a good night ass sleep or something like that. It was something very forced, but we got another round of those and really enjoyed that.

, Nice job. Fast forward, they're 700 yards from. Spider Canyon in Utah, and they go, they go through this tunnel and you see this machine as they pull through the tunnel that , they're riding underneath. And all of a sudden, you know , what is it? It's loveless in some sort of like, train contraction ion Yeah.

That can elevate up hundreds of feet and then could track down to land on the track. Like I, it's dumb as hell. Just dumb as fuck. It's like I was watching Inspector Gadget or something. Fucking lying. Exactly. That's a really way, that's a good way to put it. It's like it's inspector Gadgety kind of bullshit.

I can do whatever the fuck I want because I'm a genius and I've made all these inventions and you know, I'm defined. It's that like x not gonna kind of bullshit. Yeah. Like fuck off. Yeah. Like fuck off. Yeah. And then he starts following them in his train and catching up to 'em.

And then there's one point, which I really have to point this out. They are traveling on the tracks and this tank train, is right behind, Jim West and Gordon's train. And it's a straightaway. And if he just fires his cannon around there, he's destroyed the train. Yeah. It cuts over. So it's a straightaway. There's nothing inside. It is just, it was a straightaway, but then there was a curve all of a sudden. Yeah. Yeah. All of a sudden. So they just cut over and you see a curve and that just, all they did was write that in so that he can miss , the tank firing round.

But there was enough time in between for them to reload and shoot another round, which they didn't do. Instead Will Smith's like, I got this and he takes a rope. I don't know why he decided to grab a rope at this time 'cause he didn't need it. And Oh, but he did, he did eventually lazy riding. But he gets into that contraption, the pool table that, , folds over one ear from earlier.

Yeah. He puts some down below on the tracks underneath the car and drops down onto the tracks and slides forward. And at that point, I think, , Loveless shoots like a giant harpoon or something like that. And, through the train, all the way to the front kind of stops it. And that suspends will Smith forward breaking his connection and he slides underneath the train or whatever.

None of that makes any sense. No, it doesn't. And it sounds fucking dumb as shit. , Unless he was propelled out on those tracks backwards, he would be moving at the exact same, if not just a little bit slower rate of speed as the train and the one behind him. Obviously he doesn't have as much mass as the train, so he might be moving a little slower, but like, he wouldn't be shooting and careening back like that, needing necessitating him to pull an Indiana Jones and, , snipe his fucking lasso around a hook that would've just impaled his noggins.

And he, it was so dumb. , And the speed that he was going at, or supposedly going at it, it would've like pulled all of his arms out of his socket. , It would've ripped his arms outta his pocket. He would've done, and that's the thing is like he would, he actually grabs onto a metal pole at one point moving and I was like, that would've ripped both arms out and killed him.

And I thought of you instantly, Kyle. I was like, Kyle would, he's gonna tear that apart. It doesn't make any sense. Like you, first of all, you, , if you tried to do that at that speed, your hands wouldn't be able to grab it if they did, at worst, if you held on, you would dislocate an arm, you would not be able to lift yourself up.

The physics of, which doesn't even make any sense for him to do like a back flip on top. And we get a closeup of his cowboy boots hitting the ground like, Hmm, he did it. , Such a dumb fucking sequence. Yeah, , I'm willing to suspend, belief for certain things.

But like, this was just, it was so contrived. It was so fucking contrived. It was very, it was very cartoony. Yeah, it was very, like in this film,, I feel like it just couldn't decide what it wanted to be in that regard. There were some serious moments. It moments wanted to be a comedy most of the time, and it just felt it so hard at that.

Forced because the action in this movie is just paint by numbers. Scene to scene, to scene. Everything is forced. , It feels like there's no gravity to the situation. It doesn't feel like there's any stakes. And No. And then we get to the point where they're captured now and they have the metal funnel things, the metal cones on their head.

And I'll be honest, y'all, uh, shortly after this is when I kind of started to doze. Mm-hmm. I, I literally fell asleep and I fell asleep probably for a solid 15 minutes, , maybe a little bit less. So I'm gonna have you all carry the weight from here on out. Hopefully we can speed through this shit. Oh.

But I don't have much to offer because I was getting so tired. And in my mind I was like, I know I need to watch this, but honestly, I don't give a fuck. I'm gonna let my body sleep. So I I'll, me and Kyle will split this one then , speed it, speed this shit up. 'cause it's just not worth it at this point.

We gave the time to Godzilla. We owe the time to Wild, wild West, so . They have the cones on their heads, so you know what's about to happen. Do you remember this part? And then at one point, Loveless takes their train away, which I have something to say after this scene, but, so they're in the middle of the desert in Utah and the, they got this little roped off section around them, and it was a little copper wire in the ground with stakes, which makes a circle around them.

And they have the cones on their necks, not on their heads. It's like a little doggy fence. Yeah. So we've already seen this. We already know what's gonna happen, but we don't know how it's gonna happen. So Will Smith, Jim West in a frighteningly stupid way, goes, well, what's gonna happen? Well, I step out, I step in, nothing happens.

And all of a sudden the machine that's like , a little dildo contraption that starts spooling up and they're like, well, you've done it now. So then it it gets these two little circular saw disc that we saw at the beginning with a spider on 'em. Wow. That's so cool.

And they start. Launching two of them at our two protagonists, and they start running through the cornfield. But let's talk about some stuff real quick and we can get this out. Two super magnets are on their necks, which if they were super magnets, they would, in order to attract something, they would need to repel the other neck thing, they wouldn't have even been able to get close to one another if they were that powerful.

Second thing. If those saw discs were magnetic as well, as soon as they come out of there, it would've been a, like a rail gun. It would've been think right in there. It would've been almost instantaneous decapitation.

So there's that. So we're just gonna, we're just gonna, we're just saying that, we're just gonna say that doesn't make any fucking sense. They're outrunning these things for a little bit, but they're running through this like corn, a cornfield, a cornfield in Utah. Yeah. Or the, the staple state where corn is grown.

Yeah. I I, and we know, we know not Indiana, not Illinois, not Iowa. High desert of Utah, baby. That's, that's, that's where corn's made and grown. It's not real corn though, because real corn, as we all know, is like, it can be like seven to eight feet high, even taller than that.

Yes. And that was like five to six foot. It didn't, it didn't even look. And it's stupid. This whole scene is just, it's baffling how dumb it is. But yeah, they're running through a cornfield again, to your point in Utah. And these saw blades are coming after the magnet.

There's one point in time too where Will Smith ducks down and the, and the saw blade goes past him. And I was like, that's not how magnets work. He would be dead. They both should have been dead multiple times through this. But, but , when they escape their fate and they jump into the chasm together at the same time, and the saw blades hit each other.

We don't even need to get into that because , the, it's gonna take too long. Yeah. But if they, if, let's just say. Let's, let's just say that like , the two magnets are, , repelling each other, right? They would never have been able to even hug each other. They would've gone, they would've gotten together and like they would've either they for a second got together and then been pushed away, or they would've just gone around each other and hit the other side of the wall.

They would not have been able to hug each other. I wish they had just gotten decapitated instantly so we wouldn't have to talk about this. It would've been a more interesting movie. Yeah, it ended right there. I, we would've remembered it probably more fondly. , But they dropped , at this point, they dropped down.

Like they took a leap of faith, not, they had no idea what was on in that chasm. And they drop down and they drop into what? Chase? Like muck, sink. Muck. It's muck. Yeah. It's like, it's not even really sink. It's just a silt. A silt and mud and Yeah. Just in, in a dry desert, , tilt. Those do exist.

That, that is very of the region. Okay. For sure. , But the corn fields exist. No, that, that's, that's forced. Is this corn muck? Yeah, I guess it's the runoff. It's it's the runoff from the corn field. Yeah, it's cuck. Um, so, so they're, there now and they crawl out of it and. I wanna say something real quickly.

I feel like they tried to make, , west and Gordon, like Laurel and Hardy esque characters. Yeah. Yeah. And they really tried to play into that in this little desert montage they have together here. And it just wasn't that like, it was never going to be Laurel and Hardy or anything. Stars Blue Hut, the star Skin Hutch.

You're like, honestly, three Stooges minus one. Like it was just not three. Stooges are funny though. They are. And so is Laurel and Hardy. Yeah. This is, this is not funny. So, and then Gordon eventually breaks down, gets mad at Jim West for being Mr. Shooty. Shoot. Never like thinking. And then, , which again, for someone who doesn't think he's a high ranking.

Army officer. , Anyway, back to it. So they eventually, somehow, how did they reverse the polarity of the magnets column? He hit it with a rock. Rock. Yeah. And now they're so, it's as hell, it doesn't make any sense. And now they're stuck together. Yeah. It made no sense at all. I, again, not how magnets work and now they're stuck together.

So if they, if the magnets were that powerful and they stuck together like that, there is zero chance they'd be able to get themselves off. I'm sorry. There's no way. My dad used to work on MRI equipment and he would bring home some of those magnets they use in our MR MRI machines and imaging machines.

And they're like the size of your palm. And if you put two of 'em together, you have to pry 'em apart. With a metal. With something metal. If you put your finger in between two of them and you let them loose, lose it, you'd lose it. You would crush your finger. There is zero chance. If they were that powerful, they'd ever be able to get it off of one another.

No way. Sorry. Dumb as hell. Right. And then so they end up, and they've been captured what, how many times in this movie already? Or too many times. Too many times. Yeah. So I wrote that in my notes too, of like, they're the worst federal agents I've ever seen in my entire life. , But at this point they find out that Gordon had his toolkit the entire time it rolls out of his pocket, , his spare toolkit out of it. How did you not feel that? I, I don't, I don't even want to, I don't even wanna dive into it. So this whole scene was pointless. They get the magnets off real fast and are walking in the desert of Utah.

They're in Monument Valley. Monument Valley. , No telling how long they walk. It does not, and then doesn't look real. Doesn't look real. At one point they stop where Will Smith can eat a rat? And this is where he tells Gordon that, you know, his family. Was murdered in, , . West Liberty. And Gordon says, I'll help you find him.

I'll help you catch him, I'll help you find him. I'll help you find him. So what a good guy. So now they're walking in the desert, somehow survive, somehow find the train , and catch up with it. The train is parked and it just, it like, again, point A to point B, there's no, there's nothing. And then they see this giant, like city or like, I don't even know what you kind of, they, they call it a city in this gulch, and it's mm-hmm.

It's like this steampunk city. It's like Walt Disney would've came over glass buildings and it, it's not a city, but , it's his layer. It's his hideout. It's, it's loveless as you know. Area, whatever you wanna fucking call it, it's tomorrow land Andrew. , And then they were like, he's got a city and then all of a sudden, this is where we get our spider, this is where I started to really drift.

John Peters got his spider, and this is where it's introduced into the movie. It's a giant mechanical, impressive looking mechanical spider. Very steam punkish. Not even like functional, really like, it, it moves like shit. It looks like it's about to collapse at any point in time. But the spider's carrying itself or the spider's walking away and they're like, well, he can't get through those canyons.

And then Loveless just pulls a lever and these fucking huge missiles somehow. Or like somehow he has missiles in 1865 and they blow up the canyon and he's walking through it. Yeah. And so now they've caught all the way up to the spider only to have to catch up to the spider. Mm-hmm. Um, wow. We've come all this way to go to another, it, it is just moving them from point.

We've come all this way to catch up to a mechanical spider in the desert. Wow. Who would've guessed that? And then it cuts to Ulysses Grant on the Transcontinental Railway and he's mm-hmm. Hammering the gold spike in there. , Which was never actually hammered into the ground, by the way. I know it wasn't.

I know they were, that was their only attempt at history in this movie. All the history. Such horse shit. So did you notice that the flag, I saw this when I was watching on Amazon and , it put something up and it was like, did you know that the flag in the background has 50 stars? And I was like, no way.

And I went back and looked. It has, the flag has 50 stars on it at that time. , The, it was a circular. It was a flag, but , it had the circle stars and there was only like 37. Yeah. Like they, they didn't care. They did not care about this big give fuck $179 million budget. They couldn't even get to right wing.

They couldn't even get the right flag. People should be tortured. Yeah, they should be tortured and they should face repercussions for the shit that they've put on the screen. So , they end up, basically, Ulysses s grant turns around and hears all this like commotion, looks behind and sees a spider. , Loveless is showing these, , dignitaries, this equipment that he has now and this big spider whatever,

He ends up trying to capture Ulysses s Grant, can we, and then Gordon shows up, , posed as him as well. Don't know how they caught all the way up before the spider did, but poses , as the president himself so that they're getting in this like argument with g Loveless.

And he's like, well, I'll take 'em both. He ends up capturing them both. And Will Smith is climbing up the giant spider while he, they're being distracted only to get to the top of the spider, get shot, point blank and fall a hundred feet, land on his back, maybe more, and bounce. He bounced. He bounced, he's dead.

He is, I don't care if the gunshot killed him or not, he is dead. On arrival. But you know, he is not. So they capture the two precedents and the spider gets away. , And at this point, Kyle, the spider takes him where they, they go on a rampage throughout a couple town, Silverado.

And, , they start just, they, there's a, there's actually a Star Wars reference in there apparently. , Oh. If you look, when they blow up the, the water tower, it says Caden something on it, which is a reference to Lawrence Kaden who wrote the Empire Strikes Back, which has the walkers in it. The eighties did not catch that.

I didn't, not either , we're grasping at straws on that one, I think. How, how nice of them. How, right. You know? Cool. Wow. How prolific of them really great. . So he's like, if you don't surrender, I'm gonna fucking like, kill everybody.

And grant's like, bet, go for it. I don't give a shit. We're not, it's America bitch. We're not surrendering. And, , while this is happening, will Smith wakes up and , he busts open , his chest thing and he's like, oh, uh, just kidding. Uh, I was wearing, wearing, I was wearing chain mail. Yeah. Which, , if he was wearing Gordon suit up with, wouldn't it would've, that would've gone right through it.

He would've been dead. Right. And it did go through it. Like if you look at the chain mail, the bullet went through it and it still, somehow, it doesn't matter. Through his, he survived. He lived, he's alive. So again, we can pontificate it all we want, but like he, he lived so suck it. Mm-hmm. I know you want him dead.

That was, that was Andrew's favorite part of the movie. Yeah, he, he, John snowed himself. He did. , But then Will Smith catches up. And they, we finally come to the, , to the climax of the movie where Climax Me Daddy, so Loveless shows them that he's going to divvy up the United States back to the original conquerors.

I guess Great Britain will have the original 13 colonies. Spain will get Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, Mexico gets Texas, Louisiana, Arizona, New Mexico. Actually, , California, which Spain got screwed by not getting Georgia. That was the Georgia what, I guess Georgia was. Georgia was a part of the, the British.

So yeah, so Spain and then I think Spain got something else on the other side. And then Manhattan obviously was Loveless. And then there's what he called Loveless land, which was just the west. It was like anything west of like Colorado. It was Colorado, Utah, Nevada, Oregon, Montana, Al, Idaho, California. It was north, northwest, essentially.

Yeah. So basic. No, California. California was Mexico. But basically, basically he is giving the United States back to those countries and keeping for money, keeping some himself. Now he has a giant spider. . That's his whole entire plan. And while he's giving this plan, he's getting ready to kill Gordon Gordon's like, don't worry, I'm wearing the chain mail.

He says that to Selma. Hayek gets up to the front of the stage and they're like, shoot him in the head. And I thought that was actually kind of funny because he just goes hilarious. He says, shoot me in my heart. My heart, which yearns and loves America so much. Shoot 'em in the head. Yeah. Which I, I actually laughed at that part.

Yeah. , And then all of a sudden in this entire business meeting slash hostage takeover slash dictator takeover, what, whatever you want to call it, everyone just stops because there's a belly dancer coming to the stage. Yep. And the belly dancer immediately. Seduces Loveless. And he goes, I love, oh, a bonia.

I love, why do you tease me? So after she smacks the shit out of his face and, and it's, and it turns around and goes over to Kevin Klein and it goes, it's, it's me, it's Will Smith you. I'm Jim West. Yeah. Because I, and because he is the only black person on the spider. It's a black belly dancer and fitting, so fitting.

We just have to point that out. So then they get to this point where they, he's belly dancing and distracting loveless, and then his boobs start shooting off flames. Yeah. It was some sort of contraption or device that, , Gordon had made for that costume and he didn't expect it. And yeah, it started shooting out.

Flames from , his breast area, if you will, Les. Yeah, sure. Whatever. , And then this is where I fell asleep. So take it. Really take it again. You fell asleep again. No, this is, this is when I fell asleep. I was starting to doze, I think I woke myself up. I remember this stuff. Hence why I was adding in things.

This is where I literally, oh my God. I remember waking up and him fighting some dude with like a cranium like skull up top. And that was your, well not you, you didn't fall, you didn't fall asleep for long, that's for sure. Okay. Yeah. So you're, you're right there. Okay. Nothing really happens. Oh damn. I'm sad I didn't miss as much as I thought I did.

Will Smith throws the eight ball, , from the pool table, which, Gordon showed them earlier that the detective Gordon, Artemis Gordon showed them earlier. That, the pool balls were either sleeping gas or whatever. And this one happened to be a bomb. It blows up, and so Loveless and his crew escaped the giant mechanical spider. 'cause this was like in some sort of like, I thought this was the mechanical spider. It was like an offshoot. I'm so fucking confused. Yeah, no, it was an offshoot of the mechanical spider. 'cause I got confused as well 'cause the mechanical spider started leaving the area and a lot of people were left behind.

What I, whatever. What was crazy about the situation is all these soldiers were scurrying out too. And no one was trying to like subdue Jim West or Gordon at this point. But anyway, the spiders get in away, , and Jim West is like, Hey, remember that flying invention? Yeah. You were gonna do. Cut to, they're in this little contraption, a la the Great Mouse detective.

, And flying after the giant mechanical spider. , I can't even believe him saying all that. They started flying. They flew. Wow. They, they, wow. He invented flight. Sad. I missed that. Yeah. , And this is the one invention he gets to work, which is the great riding here. And Kyle, , what happens when they catch up to the, the spider?

, out of everything we've learned over the past 30 to 40 years about the prowess of American, , ingenuity and air spr, supremacy and air dominance when it comes to stealth and the importance of being quiet, not being seen. , They, , don't do that. And they decide to start yelling and go, Hey, we're fucking fun.

You see who we are? Like, you can't fucking get us. And they're fucking idiots. And then they start, , they start fucking shooting at them with a Gatling gun, and they, they wreck the fucking, wing and they careen into the helm of this spider's head, and they're captured again. I swear, swear, swear to God.

Like they, they get captured instantly. They catch up to the enemy, get captured, catch up, get captured, and why the enemy just keeps leaving them behind instead of just killing them. I just fucking shoot 'em in the head. I know. It's like, it's like a fucking James Bond movie at this point. Only like way worse.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, you watch your mouth. I would rather watch a James Bond movie. But it's, it's, yeah, you would, this is the comedic, like dumb version of that where they can't seem to kill them, so anyway, they get captured again and then Will Smith's thrown in this like little dungeon area, I guess, and , he has to fight a bunch of guys.

He fights a guy with a bunch of swords, ends up throwing him out of the spider and like, no more Mr. Knife guy. And it's like that, those weren't knives, those were swords. I was awake for that, but apparently so. And then he fight the guy with the, with the metal parts on him, and he somehow gets electrocuted.

And did you know that they, those characters were not originally in the movie. They added them in there after they did the test audience. And they thought it was really weird that they were just fighting the, , the F fatals in his, , in his brood. They were like, why is it, why are they just fighting females?

So they added those characters in there and a reshoot, which is probably an incredibly expensive reshoot. Yes. That was part of what I was saying earlier. They just kept reshooting stuff. Yeah. And like, and you can tell. Yeah. And so, and then he electrocutes himself and dies. And I didn't even catch how he electrocuted himself in.

I don't either. I thought you guys were gonna catch No. Does it matter? He's just like, no. He just like started punching the guy and he was walking towards him and he handed him the wrench and then he just electrocutes himself and falls. And then while that didn't understand. Yeah. And Gordon's fighting the, assistants up top and then he just does an Olay and the girl just runs off the spider and falls to her death.

Which keep in mind, Jim West fell off the spider earlier and didn't die or didn't have any problems. So I don't, that's probably still alive. , 

what happens next? Loveless goes down to finish the job, or he gets pushed, he gets sent down. I forget exactly how he gets down there to the belly of the beast, where Will Smith is. And Will Smith gets the better of him he thinks. And he's like, Hey, I got you where you wants you, , this is where it really helps to have a set of legs underneath you.

And, , and all of a sudden, Loveless, , puts himself into another contraption and his wheelchair now has four legs. And okay, it's beating the shit out of Will Smith. And um, 'cause it's like a, it's a mini version of the spider. , And then Gordon has this like, hidden gun that they were looking at.

This tiny little guy, a tiny little gun, 22 rim fire pistol. , . So he fires the gun and loveless like goes after all that you missed. And then. He goes, I didn't miss. And then they looked down and he shot out the hydraulic fluid in the spider. Why didn't, so he gets, why didn't he just shoot loveless in the head?

Because it would, I'm gonna tell you right now, this is, I mean, this isn't gonna make sense because it does, the mood doesn't make sense, but , that would not have killed him and he probably would've missed. 'cause those guns are meant to be shot like at point blank range. Those ingers, they're not accurate at all.

But he had the pinpoint accuracy to shoot the hydraulic fluid, which I don't think would've been pierced by that bullet. It wouldn't. But we're gonna, we're just going to whatever it we're gonna, whatever that was. Suspend your disbelief here. Yeah. I was like, , if you have that kinda accuracy, just shoot him through the eyeball or something and in this movie.

But anyway, we didn't get that. And the movie continues on and so Loveless is down on the ground now crawling and Will Smith, instead of just killing him. It's taking him hostage, beating the shit out of him. All these other options monologues him until the point where Loveless can loveless. What did Loveless say is like your skin is as dark as the night sky, but inside yo yellow like, fuck, what the fuck?

Jesus Christ. He has to get more racist things in there. Yeah. And he's crawling back and obviously he's crawling back to his wheelchair, which will Smith knows he's a gadget expert. Why would you let him crawl back to his wheelchair? Just fucking eat that motherfucker. Kick him off the ledge. Or like, he's like, he's obviously crawling to his wheelchair and Will Smith lets him get in the wheelchair and produce his shotgun that he shot bloodbath McGrath with thoroughly.

And he graces his ass, doesn't he? Yeah. Graces his ass. All right. I'm wide awake. And then shoots like the piping or whatever. So steam starts going everywhere and the spider loses control. We're almost at the end, right? Yes. This is, this is the end, essentially. So the spider careems off , the cliff and Loveless and Jim West fly out, and Loveless is able to hold on with his wheelchair in an impossible way with Jim West holding onto his neck only.

Mm-hmm. In his, which shouldn't kill him, which separated him, which should have pulled him out of the wheelchair. I don't understand. I don't understand what's happening here. E. , And then he's like, , if I wanted to really kill you, I'd pull this lever down and it'd be your demise, but I would die too.

And Will Smith goes, I'll help you. And grabs the shit out of the lever and the wheelchair still doesn't move. So they're just dangling here over this canyon, and Will Smith. Looks like he's barely holding on. You can tell this is some piss poor acting right here. Or writing. It's more writing, but, so even if you're dangling over a green screen, you gotta make it look like you're dangling for your life.

And he's just barely holding on and just calmly talking to him. Well, at one point what happens next, Kyle? He is like, you won't do this is where that yellow line comes in, Andrew, that you just said. He's like you. Oh, that is back on the outside.

That's right. But on the inside. Yeah. Yellow. And he's like, okay, bet. Fuck you. And he pulls the lever and they fall. , But Will Smith conveniently manipulates gravity and physics to, , make himself go right where the chain is about 15 feet away. , And about the course, he drops maybe 15 feet, and then he also travels 15 feet to his right in that time.

So, you know, realistic, it looked like a curve ball. It looked like somebody threw a curve ball in major league baseball. And so he just, all he does is curve balls himself over to a fucking chain that was hanging off the side of the spider. And Loveless dies and he lives, and there, there you go. And then they fast forward to the, and they fast forward to the scene with , the rail and they actually like, you know, yeah.

They actually get the golden spike in and then the golden spike in, we find out Selma Hayek. , Was actually lying to them. She wasn't searching for her father who was a Escobar. It was her, it was her husband. Husband. And they're like, oh, okay. Yeah, great, reveal there. That really, just Wow.

Really just threw me off. Wow. Yeah. Wow. So then what epiphany? So then we find that out, and , then grant president grant's, like, , I'm taking your train fellows. You took mine. I'm, I'm taking yours. And they're like, well, how will we get home? And then that's the last shot. Oh, he also appoints them as the first two members of the Secret Service Secret.

Okay. Yes. Glad you said that. , No. , So the Secret Service in that capacity wasn't established until 19 0 1 0 1 after the assassination of, was it McKinley? McKinley, yeah. Yeah. As a protective service. Before that it was just counterfeiters. Yeah. They were, they were part of the Department of Treasury.

Yeah. Yeah. , They didn't do any protection of physical bodies. It was all about snuffing out counter fsm and counter counter fm, is that the word? Word counter. Yeah. Counter fsm. Yeah. , And this movie, it was Counter fm. And that is the end of it, isn't it? That's, that's the fucking that we can stop talking horn about plot.

We see them going into the sunset on the , spider. They come and do the spider weapon of mass construction. This movie was like a weird dream. Like, you know, when you wake up and it a very vivid and you're like, wait, I pull out a gun and it shot out paper towel rolls. Like what? That's like what this was.

It didn't make any fucking sense. And here's the thing is they, when they walk off into the sunset, they use the spider. So my moral of the story is the US now has a spider weapon. And they're gonna dominate the rest of the world. And they're gonna go, I fuck you Canada. And you know they're gonna go after Spain and Britain after the shit that they were talking on the spider.

Hell yeah. They were trying to sell some of the country. Yeah, they are. So are we just gonna forget about those other countries wanting, um, IG whatever. Credits roll. That's it. That's the wild, wild west. And it was a wild, wild dunk. Woo. Yes. Wow. Really glad we got through that. And talked it out. Talked it through.

, It was very therapeutic. Kyle. What do you think of this movie now as an adult versus when you were a kid? The older we get, the more real things get and the less real these kind of stories become. And this was about as unrealistic as it comes.

Most of the stuff in this was just like, just. Fabricated nonsense and, , very, almost like very vapid storytelling that didn't really have any basis of anything. It just kind of like the story was just like, we're going to pick up and place the story here. This acquisition happens here. There was no flow to the movie.

There was no like if this, then that. It was very, , yeah, it was very fabricated. I don't think, I don't think it did a good job of telling a story. I think it was just things happen in this movie that are entertaining. I would not call it a movie in terms of like the, a Empire Strikes Back or a Schindler's List.

I hope not. Or saving private rides. I hope not. Like it's not, it's not anywhere near a movie of that. Or even, or even, even like Austin Powers. Let's do something more in the same vein of like the comedic Austin Powers has more to it than this does. The Mummy has more to it than this. The mum has far and away, there's so many other.

There's so many other things out there that have more going on than this. And it was just a very poorly thought out money grab that didn't really grab any money and just kind of wasted money in the end. , So as an adult, yeah, no, I agree. As a kid that liked this movie as an adult, it is.

I mean, I was telling Andrew, I put this up there with Godzilla and Batman and Robin. Wow. Really? I would, I would, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna go that far, but I, I will. It was blame bad blame you for that. It was really bad. I would say third, I would say three. Wild, wild Wests two Godzilla, one Batman and Robin.

, I had a little bit more fun with Batman and Robin because of it was so bad. It was kind of funny. This movie, I was just eyerolling the whole time. There's maybe a couple of times where I laughed. The action sucked it, the set piece, yeah. Action was not very good. The set pieces kind of sucked for a movie with $179 million.

, In budget, , it, they all looked the same. It was either desert or it was a plantation theme. Punk bullshit. Yeah. And I do like the gadgets enough. I was like, oh, that's kind of cool. I like the steampunk style of this story we're trying to tell, but it all fell flat. And the steampunk things made, the steampunk gadgets made everybody look dumb.

The inventors looked dumb. The our heroes were bumbling idiots that had no redeeming qualities, ineffective. This movie did not pass the Bechtel test. This movie is racist. So I, I obviously had never seen it and I expected it to be.

You know, wild, wild west. I thought it was all about like cowboys , and Indians. And literally there's moments there in the desert, but it's not really a Western at all. There's nothing wild. There's nothing about the wild West in this. It's more in the south than it is even the west. Well, and I do the Jewels Verne.

Style steam punk in the west is a thing. , It just didn't capture it. No, it did not capture it all. Like for any cool gadget you get, you get a bumbling idiot behind it that it's, it. They had gadgets just to have gadgets. It almost felt like, yeah, the old mission possible ga it felt like Inspector Gadget Gadget or Mission Impossible, the TV show where it was really campy, where it's just like there's a gadget for everything.

Most of them don't work or they blow up in your face, and it's just like, what kind of cool gadget can I make? And that's all this movie was. It's hard to make a movie and I can never shit on someone too much for putting together, , a major film. But it makes me mad that people were given creative rights and creative freedoms to create this.

And it's just, , this is one of those movies, a disgrace where you probably had so many hands in the pot that you had 16,000 visions going through, and none of them were linear. , And that happens to a lot of those big budget movies from the nineties where it's either reshoots or it's like, I didn't like this.

Well, this producer didn't like this. I mean, it had John Peters on it, which I told you the story with him and Kevin Smith. John Peters didn't know what he wanted at any point in time on any movie he was on. I know he did Rain Man, and I know he did Batman, but he's also done other stinkers just like Wild, wild West where it just feels like everything's kind of thrown on the wall.

Wouldn't this be cool? Wouldn't this be cool kids? If you're out there writing a script, it shouldn't be, wouldn't this be cool? You better learn how to tell a story and get your audience connected to that story. If you can't do that, it doesn't matter what cool thing you come up with. And this is one of those movies.

Yes, mechanical spider's pretty cool in the west. Doesn't fit in here, , doesn't work. Smoothie socks, if we were, I don't even think mechanical Spider in the West is a cool concept, so fuck that. I agree. , Just throw that out. Throw it out. , Start afresh and pretend you didn't think about that.

Oh man, I wish I didn't. So anyway. Does this movie Hold up, hold up. Yeah, Kyle, start with you. Does this movie hold up? I think we already know, we know the answers. No, Andrew? No, this movie definitely does not hold up. The last few episodes we've had some sort of descent, I guess, but like, not this one.

This is, no, this I, I, I hadn't seen it No, until, you know, a couple hours ago. I wish I'd never watched it like, like I legitimately thought it was a waste of time. I wish I had the Jim West Glasses from when I was a kid, so I can throw 'em on the ground and smash them right now out of anger for the Jim West Abortion glasses.

Cool. Uh oh. We don't even, I don't even wanna like, give this like movie a score, honestly. 1.8. I was gonna say, I'm gonna, I'm put it in the four, we'll do like 4.4. I was gonna say 4.3. It's 4.9 on imdb. So it is pretty low. Is it? So 4.9. I rem like I said, I remember this movie being a bomb and everyone hating it.

, Even Kevin Smith talked about it in his interview, , where he said, , this is one of the biggest pieces of shit I've seen so. There you go. Yeah, you go. You know that about wraps it up. You know what we do here? We reach into your childhood nostalgia, pull the movies from your past out today, we scuttled into your mind found Wild, wild West.

And , we're gonna remove that for you and throw it in the trash and you'll think us later. , Next week's a big episode, right, Kyle? Oh yeah, baby. Yeah. We're looking at Men in Black. It's been a year, Andrew.

It's our birthday. How exciting. Yeah. One year, 1-year-old. And we're gonna tell you the story about our first failed podcast episode Men in Black. And we're gonna get to redo it. So we'll see you next week for Men in Black