Kyle, how's your energy level? Thank you for addressing me first yet again. Nothing makes me happier than being first ever Andrew.

My energy today  is,  like when you have a senile dog and  you can go inside and you can smell that  something's off in your apartment but you can't really tell and then you feel like a wet patch on the carpet and then you smell the smell and you look at the dog  and you're like, you made this? 

And then you have to clean it up. That's the energy that I got today. Talking about dog piss? No, like a specific, , situation with dog piss. Oh, yeah. Like bloody dog piss is what it sounds like. You're just gray, ? Like, how did it get like that? For anyone out there with, , a scale, and we're keeping up with Kyle's,  dog piss energy level, that's really good, actually.

He's feeling pretty good. It's up there. I'm gonna transition to another liquid. What? Sweat.  It's really sweaty. It's been sweaty. Kind of swampy day,  it's like 86, so this room is a little stuffy, a little humid.  I'm fine, but  I'm, , a little bit more I don't want to say Can I say moist?

Can I say moist? Is there another word that I can use? Moist has not been cancelled yet, so you can say moist. But is there a better descriptor I could use to describe my state?  No.  That's how you are as a person is moist. Yeah, just kind of  You know, I don't know about that  but speaking of moist.

 We watched batman and robin. That's the next one up and  There's some long faces in this room and it took me two days to finish this movie  it was a chore not trying to get it Get ahead of the train here, .  We might as well. Yeah,  There's not a whole lot of things in my life  that I can look down at and say that I'm very disappointed in. 

than the fact that I had to watch this movie. I can honestly say this is one of the worst movies I've ever witnessed to. I've ever bared witness to, I should say. 

It was just  bad every which way there was nothing redeeming about it One of the worst written and directed movies i've ever seen. Is that it?  Are we done? Do we just wrap now? Let's just, we can tear it apart.

Let's tear it apart. Let's fucking destroy this piece of shit. Let's get into it. , so this movie has a lot of like  nostalgia for me as a child. Yeah, absolutely.

That's one of the reasons I was excited to watch it because I vividly remember going to see this with my family., I had all the action figures. I had all of them. I had a Mr. Freeze, I had a Poison Ivy, I had Robin, I had Batman. I had all that shit. It was a big toy movie. This was one of the biggest toy movies there was.

My, my next door neighbor had the Batmobile. The one that , got all slippy, slappy, and shot shit out of it. , I was like, damn. How many things did you break with that? With what?  The Batmobile. Oh, I did, my, my next door neighbor had it. Oh, okay. So I was unprivied to that, but I did have the Batman.

Did not have, , I had Batman and Robin, and I had his little, his motorcycle. His little dinky ass fuckin Yamaha. I had that too. I had the motorcycle. I had the Batmobile. , but it wasn't the cool, I think it was the early release Batmobile. So it was like the, I didn't have this Batmobile.

I had  the one from like Batman Returns or something like that I believe, but like you still used all of the characters for that. Like it wasn't like I separated. It was like, no, this is the wrong movie.  That Batmobile though, for this movie, was really cool.  Very dynamic. It was cool, yeah. It had the grids on it, I think, like it looked like it had  a bunch of exhaust systems. 

Didn't really seem to work as an actual car. No, really  It's surprising You think that you think they would have maybe made something, you know a little bit more. , motorized for children to use a question for y'all  when did they put on  their eyeliner or  their eye makeup?

Did you ever see him do that in the movie? I think when they were making out with each other, they   pushed their eyes away. Was that a deleted scene? I must have missed that one. Oh, yeah, that's the uncensored version. Every single time they put on their little mask, you saw like a dark circle around their eyes.

I was like, that wasn't there before. When did they do that? Did they have a little grab and go mirror? When did they do that? Yeah. One of the many holes. At this movie convention. One of the many.  You watched it as a kid, did you go to theaters to see it? Yeah, yeah I did.

That was when  I do remember seeing it in theaters. I was very young, I was like maybe five or six.  I remember going with both my parents. I dragged into it,  , I remember Batman Forever really well. Oh. But I feel like this was the first movie that we were old enough to go see in theaters because Batman forever came out in 95 Yeah, I was three or four at that time, 

 I was watching it with Blair and she made a comment She and I hate her for this, but she said yeah, that's our Batman As children was George Clooney and it's kind of accurate because It doesn't mean it's like a good thing. It's just we grew up recognizing George Clooney as Batman for better or for worse,

I remember there was a lot of fanfare and marketing around it I don't remember all the marketing. I remember McDonald's did some stuff. I'm pretty sure with that. The toys were everywhere. Yeah, that was a big deal.  Do we just  expect at this point in time, in the 90s and 2000s, that Are they just making movies to market to children so they can sell toys and merchandise and memorabilia to them? You might be onto something.  That is exactly what happened in this movie. Interesting.  So one of the main reasons it got made  Warner Brothers  sped it into production right after Batman Forever. They made sure that they had everybody on standby for it and they pushed it as quickly as possible so that they can start making toys. 

That was it. They called it Toyetic. What was it called? Toyetic. Toyetic?  Like stemming from the word poetic? That's fucking lame. I think kinetic. Or kinetic. Toy.  Basically, let's produce as many toys as possible, and advertise the shit out of this to children.

I had a Poison Ivy, I had a Batman, I had a Robin, I had a Batmobile, it worked for me. The whole thing. Mr. Freeze. I had a Mr. Freeze. They had the various vehicles and play sets to go along with this. Their idea behind that too was to hire these big name actors and actresses.

Like, Alicia Silverstone was.  Crazy on fire at that time  Uma Thurman who could forget  Arnold Schwarzenegger the biggest action movie star probably of all time Well of all time it's here technically it's Harrison Ford if you're reading technical it's Harrison Ford However, I would agree with that as well.

I do love command. Come in boy. Oh boy. That's when we got to get to  We in the world for that one  Schumacher, who is the director, he directed Batman and Forever,  , came on board with this one. We were trying to figure out what else he's done, , I know what he's done to us with this movie. 

I'll never forget him. I can give you a few more, I had a list up here a second ago. It was, I think you said what?  There were some good ones in there. House of Cards. Yeah, Phone Booth. Phone Booth was good. I don't know if he did all of House of Cards. He probably did an episode here and there. Find the worst episode and I'm sure that's the one.

He did Phone Booth in 8mm.  You know, an 8mm is Nick Cage, but like Don't, don't start with that, don't Hey, James Gandolfini's in that as well Along with Joaquin Phoenix and Peter Stormare Like, there's some decent names in that,  Our point is that this is probably the bottom of the barrel 

, they got him on board and Warner Brothers wanted him to return because they had a working relationship with him They forced him to change the script to match the toys  Well, that, that makes sense. There you go. And by forced him to change, it's more or less like they had complete say over everything,   So it's just a bunch of big corporations who had their hand in this, like, make it the way we want so we can make more money or else.

Exactly. This was just a money grab. , for everyone involved. You wanna shame.  I do think that this led to the stall of the Batman franchise, which led to the Christopher Nolan film.

So a lot of good did come out then. Thank, thank God. Thank God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.  And thank you Hasbro,  and whomever else got your fucking fingers misplaced. And then Chris Nolan, and then thank you. Thank you Chris, well thank you Christian, thank you Chris, for real, like, thank you. Alright, alright Andrew, let's, let's see what kind of numbers we are talking about.

Y'all wanna guess the budget for this baby? Oh boy, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go what I usually, I'm gonna say about 250 million.  No, we all know it's not. Has it failed? Yeah. And by that it means it's failed every time. So you said 250 million? Yeah. What do you say, Chasey? Oh, man. This one, especially coming off the Batman Forever, that did really well,  I'm gonna say 300 million.

125 mil. Ooh. Damn.  I was double. Went over. Domestic opening.  43 million.  It's not bad. Not bad. Not bad. not bad at all. Domestic, gross, 107 million, international, 130 million, and worldwide. 238 million. That's what it made was 238? Worldwide. Ouch, because you know they were going for more than that.

Much more. I mean they put 125 million into it. They didn't even After marketing and all that probably is one that got close to just netting. Netting, very little. Yeah, a million. Oh, man  But yeah, we're talking just about the movie and not including the merchandise  sure that the toys and marketing shit That probably put them way over that which is much might have been what they were shooting for  This movie they probably wrote off as a failure And got taxed out of that and then made their marketing back off the toys So they probably they netted probably a shit ton and then rode off into the sunset as those big studios But looking at the film from standalone purposes, absolutely not.

It flopped in that regard. Did you like it when you were a kid? , I was young, , I was obsessed with Batman. Batman is still my favorite superhero to this day. They could have , made Batman like an awful person in that movie. George Clooney was trying.

Yeah, they could have made it that much fucking worse, and I still probably would have enjoyed it. I remember watching this a lot. , I remember it being one of those movies too. After it was released, it would come on TNT early Sunday mornings. So I remember as our parents were  grabbing us out of bed to go to church, we were sitting over in the corner watching Batman and Robin while everyone was getting ready.

And it was always the same scene. It was always with him in the  ice  warehouse going dance dance like he's  that scene just was always fresh in my mind. Mr. Miser  I watched this movie multiple times in  my childhood living room Like I don't know how many times but probably five to ten times.

I looked at Blair multiple times and quoted it Yeah, I remember several scenes several quotes out of it. It was  We ran this one in the ground. We also had it on VHS.  Which we learned is Video Home System, right? Video Home System, very good. You remembered it.  Such a dumb way to say that.  Ass backwards way.

Reach around your elbow to get to your asshole way to say that. Video Home System.   I have a fun fact here. So does anyone want to guess what Arnold Schwarzenegger is?  Oh boy, like how much he made afterwards or how much he was paid to do it? How much he was paid for this film.

Oh.  I'm gonna guess probably about 15 million. 15 million? And that's a high guess. It's a high guess.  It's hard for me. I gotta think back. This is the 90s. Will Smith made what? 5 mil? Off Men in Black which came the same year? 97?  Yes, I think so.  I'll say,  Twelve mil. Twelve mil? It was 25 million dollars.

No shit!  Wow. And that's why he's the best. He got paid. Yeah, he did.  And he was also in the middle of, , his fornication with his Oh, his housemate. Yeah, that happened around this time too. I forgot about that. I forgot about that. He was doing double duty. Yeah, he was. Good for him. Yeah. Yeah, good for him.

He's getting it done. He's getting it done.  And he was one of the biggest stars at the time.  This movie had a budget of 125 and 25 of it went to right to him. Everybody else is probably getting paid like a couple million, maybe a couple hundred thousand.  I mean, no, you made a point of it, or he might've been the best part of this movie.

Absolutely. I was like, he's the only reason why I was able to keep on watching it because it's Arnold and because he's just, it's, it's him and the way he says things in a way that he, like his comedy in this movie is like,  If we just did a movie about Mr. Freeze, I would have been all about it. It would have been fucking awesome.

  Did Kyle, , did you have any like childhood memories of this? I remember going to see it at the movie theater vaguely. I remember  oh wow this is a cool movie.

Wow the, I didn't know motorcycles could fly. Um,  Like,  I didn't know you could surf the clouds. Yeah, I didn't know you could really do that, but that's okay. , and that's pretty much all I remember. I remember the toys.   Getting the Batman and the Robin together with his little motorcycle. Dog chewed up half of it so it didn't have it anymore.

Honestly, I'm going to be very honest, once Chris Nolan came out with , Batman Begins.  All of my previous Batman, , whatever I cared about, I didn't fucking care anymore. Thrown out the window. Hey, that was, those are the best superhero movies of all time, and they're also the best Batman movies of all time.

Yeah. Hands down. There is no other, you cannot make an argument otherwise. Nostalgia, cool, great, great, great, but no. There's some comic book nerds who don't love his movies. I don't care. Because they aren't true to the comics. I don't care. They don't capture the comic world. I don't give a shit. No, I don't give a shit either.

They're fucking wrong. Shut up. Shut up. It's as real as it fucking gets. You can come on here and debate us. No, you can't. No, you can't. You have to get out of your basement. I'm just kidding That was a joke. Batman is such a pop culture icon, especially when you're a kid.

I remember growing up I was not the biggest Batman fan. Bitch , I was Spider Man. Sorry, but Spider Man was great. Spider Man was , my superhero of choice. Now, I did like Batman. I wasn't  against it. I like any kid. I love superhero movies. What about Superman? Superman, I love Superman. Yeah, same. , we didn't get , any Superman shit when we were a kid.

We got Batman crammed down our throat. And then we finally got Man of Steel in, what, 2012? And who gives a shit about that? But then they crammed Batman right back down our throat. They're like, hey, you remember that Batman character you love? But we, we liked it and we took it. 

We all remember Val Kilmer in Batman Forever.  He got into it with Joel Schumacher in filming Batman Forever, and that's why he's not in this film. , I think I have in my notes to, they were looking at a couple other people to play Batman.  I don't know if I wrote it down.

 Guess who they wanted to play Batman, who was really a hot star on the TV circuit at the time.  On the TV circuit? Yeah. Well, George Clooney was on the TV circuit before he was in this, but Right, but another hot star. Obviously, they got George Clooney, so think of someone else. On the TV circuit.

, Bob Saget. I don't fucking know. It was Bob Saget. No, it wasn't.  Tim Allen. Chuck Norris. No. That wasn't Chuck Norris. , Tim Allen? Tim Allen. Tim Allen. It was Tim Allen, wasn't it? It wasn't Tim Allen.  Tim Allen was starting to make his way into movies.

Roseanne Barr. Roseanne! It was not Roseanne Barr. I thought they should have went with Roseanne. She would have looked good with rubber nipples. She would have steamrolled it. . Fran Drescher? No. It was David Duchovny.  Oh! Oh! From, , X Files, right? Yeah. Oh, I like him. Yeah, I do too. So I'm glad that he didn't do this.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.  I'm sure he looks back on this and is like, Thank God. Fucking god, I didn't agree. Yes.  He was in talks, but , they went with george clooney obviously and The rest is so they say history  Who else did they want that? I know they were looking at demi more And sharon stone to play poison ivy.

Those were a couple names they were kicking around but This kind of goes back into the point of they were really looking to hit a home run with the casting That's what they would hope to carry the movie Oh  Sucks to suck.  Sucks to fucking suck. Sucks to suck.  I think we're ready to go, I think we're ready to talk about it, right?

  I already gave you my spiel.  Maybe a little too soon,  writing was on the fucking wall there. I will say this. Before we get started talking about the movie itself,  Schumacher did apologize for this one. Did he really?

No way. Yes. Did he really? , he apologized, which is crazy here's his statement. This was later on when he was doing an interview. He said, Look, I apologize. I want to apologize to every fan that was disappointed because I think I owed them that. 

That's it. Cool. You owe us more than that. You owe us our money back.  We didn't spend that our parents owe in jail. You owe our parents money back with interest. You fucking scammed our parents.  All that shit for us. Get that fucking money in.  Alright. What a sellout. You wanna talk about a sellout? He's a fucking sellout for this. 

He probably didn't have much of a choice when it comes down to it. And he's probably laughing,  at anyone who calls him a sellout because of how much he made, but Yeah, but also again, let's remember how little control sometimes, when it gets compartmentalized like this in film, how much, or how little  creative,  freedom.

 He was a name in the director's chair. He was nothing more than that. He was what you call a puppet. He was on his hands and knees right in front of Warner Brothers, and they were doing whatever they wanted with him.  Without further ado, let's jump right in, and this movie wastes no time jumping right in.

 I think we have to begin with the intro And talk a little bit about that because we get the first of the suiting up  Like montages? There's just nothing to preface it. It's just immediately like, Oh, they're suitin up! Gettin right into some action.

Oh, there's some tight button. Tight leather pants. It's just  right into genitalia. Right into butts. the fact that they both have rubber nipples on their suit. I hated it Why would you add that to the suit?

But this is the difference between the nolan and this is that this is just utter bullshit and there's some people out there Probably saying but it's based on a cartoon. It's based on the campiness and all this. No, this is next level This is just stupidity. It's dumb. There are cartoons that are better than this all of the cartoons are better than all that shit so much better.

All this is so much better so These suits have rubber nipples on them. You can't look away from that So anytime batman is on screen or robin's on screen you're looking at their nipples And what's the first words of dialogue in this? Maybe it's robin saying I want a car. I want a car two cars Fuck off, and he's riding this awesome bike.

He has a sick bike. hayabusa or something some shit It's fucking super fast Awesome donor cycle, but the way it was also delivered was just You Chicks dig cars. Chicks dig cars. Chris O'Donnell. I'm sorry. Chris O'Donnell. I want to talk about him for a second. Yeah. He's just awful. He's just really bad. Let me asterisk that for Andrew before he says something he'll regret.

He is awful in this movie. I don't, but what else has he done? He's done a lot of stuff. That's been better than this. NCIS Los Angeles now.  What else has he done? I'm curious because I honestly don't. He's done a couple other movies. , there was one about where he was a runaway groom or runaway bride or something.

. Runaway bride?  I don't know what it was called. He was like a groomsman, like women running after him. He wasn't the only person that was bad in this, , every delivery he had, just every line, it was,  Awful  the moment with Alfred right before  they drove off He leans up against the wall and just starts like crying that was in the first few minutes Yeah, which I mean it doesn't take a genius to know he's sick cuz he's  a hundred and twelve  He is old as shit in this movie  reminds you that , the dialogue that they , are delivering are like people sitting on toilets. 

, and being completely con constipated. That is what we're getting. It's , literally like one word response is like, yeah, or I'm good, or things like, so generic. Everyone's an arrogant prick in this movie. Everyone is an arrogant prick and unlikable. But, , We're introduced to Mr. Freeze pretty quickly, as they're trying to steal Immediately.

They don't even know who they're going to see. They just got a call about this guy, his name's Freeze. Stealing diamonds. Stealing diamonds from the museum. Which was not a museum. It was just a fucking theme park looking shit, because when the dinosaur fucking breaks apart, there's no fucking bones. , it's not even a fucking fossil.

 It's It's what we think a dinosaur would look like. There's no museum. I thought it was a jewelry store. I didn't even think it was a museum. What the fuck? I don't know. Honestly, who the fuck knows what it was? So we're introduced to Freeze, and he is a babbling Teutonic idiot that can only speak in puns for the first, , quarter of the movie.

I will say his character runs out of puns so quickly  just talking about cold, talking about cold things. He just transitioned into talking about cold. He's like, everyone, it's cold.  He's just stating facts at a certain point. The temperature is below 32.  ,  First of all, the physics, none of the physics in this movie make any goddamn sense.

When they're like, on their way there, they crash into this fucking quote unquote museum, and they're just flying.  Robin's motorcycle  flies for, like, 50 feet. And here's a quick thing. Motorcycles don't fucking do that, folks. Unless there's a ramp. And there was no ramp. 

Okay? So chill the fuck out. I love how they're around these priceless diamonds. And Freeze is going after this big diamond. We don't know why. Oh, we'll find out real quick. Don't you worry. And it'll make so much fucking sense.  But  He starts, they start playing ice hockey. Okay.

His minions are pretty cool. You gotta admit, they're pretty fucking cool. I'm gonna cut you off right there. Cause the next note that I have is gonna be  How the fuck does Batman and Robin just click their heels together and fucking ice skates pop out? Do they always run into this situation?

 We better put fucking ice skates in the bottom of our goddamn boots, because, , if I get caught one more time in an ice rink, and not being able to skate, Go or fuck yourself.  They could run into a frozen river if a skater crossed or something. I wrote this down to your point.

Because this whole scene, so they're chasing around Freeze.  They're trying to get the ice, the diamond back from him. Trying to get through all the ice and the freezing and all that bullshit. It's very chaotic and none of it makes sense. They're playing ice hockey with the diamond.

But, after they, they just seem to have a gadget for everything. It's like they plan for this exact scenario in their head. There's no fucking way on the shitstorm of an earth  that is exactly how they prepared for it. Because they had no clue. They end up in some sort of, Rocket ship.

No, Freeze. Freeze is , , his vehicle. That he crashes through. Okay, one of his many vehicles. He ejects himself out of the museum. Toys. Toys. the front. Instead of just walking out the front, no one's gonna do anything. Or, I don't know, taking his fucking, , vehicle and going back out the same way he came in.

He gets ejected into the air in some fucking,  rocket ship.  I need to go over something really quickly. Okay. That burned me up so much that I said I don't know if I'm gonna be able to keep on watching this. To your point, Chase, , everything with him has to be like a freeze quote.

 Something's freezing. Oh, the dew point's 32 degrees today, so we're gonna get a light frosting. , the It's a light dew today.  How does it feel, Batman? What's the feeling? It feels nice and moist. The wind chill. , one of his quotes,  there are two constants in life. 

And he doesn't say the first, he just goes, everything freezes. And it doesn't.  Indeed, everything in life does not freeze. In fact, it's quite the opposite. But, he does go on to say I totally forgot he said that, . I remember exactly when that is, don't you? I remember he was like trying to make it out to be this like Poetic or like this like crazy.

Everything freezes. It doesn't though. It doesn't. And then, ,  when he is trying to stymie, , Robin and Batman's, , pursuit of him, he goes, what killed the dinosaurs?  The Ice Age. The Ice Age. It, in fact, , didn't. They're off by quite a bit.  It was the, let's go ahead and look, end of the fucking Cretaceous period, 65 million years ago, the Ice Age happened 2.

58 to 11, 000 years ago, during the Pleistocene Epoch, and they were 62. 48 million years off. Go fuck yourself up a tree. That's what you call dipshits. Bad writing. That's awful writing.  It's not cute, it's not funny, shut the fuck up.  I'm pissed. I'm pissed. Kyle's also our resident biologist.

Resident non, non studying and non degree holding biologist. Thank you.  , go back to the rocket ship. Go back to the rocket ship. Where they should have stayed. They shouldn't have tried to like interject facts. They should have just let the rocket ship go up and they all died at the same fucking time.

So instead of just taking his vehicle,  back the way he came in.  That thing had, , spikes on the front. Nothing was going to What was that? What was the point of that? I don't know, but  Nothing was gonna take it down, is my point. You might as well just stayed in there. It's like Hitler's fucking train from World War II.

You're not gonna get in it. It's a fortress. No one's gonna penetrate. It just But no, you have to shoot yourself up into a  an escape pod in the sky. Andrew, it made a cool toy. Okay, you're right. Yeah, that's and we're gonna keep  I'm pretty sure mr.

Farley's,   vehicle was a toy I'm pretty sure that was something you could buy. Yeah,  it was any  it came with the  a little freeze   Batman and Robin somehow shoot themselves up I can't even remember how they Robin had some magnetic Little Robin looking fucking hand.

Things that climb up this side. Really cool. , he held onto like the side, I think Batman got pulled in there with, which  again, we're just gonna, I didn't write this down, but  if we're really gonna go there, you would have your hands ripped off of the fucking wrists because the amount of speed and force it would take to leave the fucking atmosphere, which is what they were trying to do.

, but hey man, this is from a comic book. Oh, shut off. Oh, fuck myself. I'm so sorry. It's from a comic book, alright? Aw, you better just get fucking wrecked. This is, like I think, and,  I do have, a mention before they even go up. Didn't Robin get frozen too? Okay, , you jumped a tiny, just a tiny bit ahead,  so Batman follows them in, okay? I'm not gonna go play by play, but I have to play by play this because it's a big one. It's a big one. It's a big thing. Okay, he gets inside this little rocket ship looking penis icicle thing and he's inside with freeze and freeze sees him And he kicks him down into the  little undercarriage and he takes his freeze gun out and doesn't freeze him He just freezes his hands to the side of the fucking rocket ship No, kyle, you're not understanding because he was gonna freeze in 30 40 minutes Oh, that's right because and thank you for saying that it was like a james bond your lungs and heart will freeze in space  he goes  Your heart will freeze at 30, 000 feet.

,  No it won't. I'm so sorry. It won't. Because, I  will say,  they had something going, I promise you they did not intend this. But, if you're at 30, 000 feet, around the minimum temperature is going to be negative 62.  With wind chill and everything is probably around 121, minus 121 degrees Fahrenheit.

Which is not enough for your heart to freeze inside of your fucking body. , you cold hearted dipshit. He is cold hearted, now go back to Robin, sorry. So there was one point in all this , chaos.  I don't remember if this was before this,  Robin got frozen and gave the diamond up because he's being an idiot.

Absolutely.  So freeze freezes him.  You got 11 minutes to sell him. , Batman's  goes over and  ,  just picks him up like he's a goddamn duffel bag. This is a full grown adult male in a rubber suit that's frozen.

Which you could probably break in half if you're not careful. How much did that weigh?  With the ice and everything. Oh, at least double, he has thick ice. Picking up a cooler to take to the beach.  I'm using two hands. And , struggling with, 

at least Batman is real strong.  He's very strong. So he thaws Robin, that's how we end up in the situation we're in. But wouldn't you die? I wrote that down, I said, so Robin's dead now? No, no, did you not hear Freeze? He had 11 minutes. 11 minutes. There's a cut off, it's 11 minutes. Why'd they settle on 11? 

Because it sounded good, . Maybe that's the mammalian dive reflex for hibernation. Go fuck off. , it would have been more, believable if they had said, , five or something. I don't know. It would have been unbelievable if he just died. After getting frozen like that. And can we just talk about how , his freezing gun and the ice just looked awful.

, the special effects. It looked like a giant ice dildo. But like the ice didn't even look real half the time. It just looked like a laser. Yeah, it was just fucking, it was cg, , it was so bad. It was, oh, this, because CG was not, at that point, this time, it wasn't the point. They were trying to use it  left and right and  the technology was not there at the time to force the CGI all over the place, so it looked terrible. 

And then the explosion of the ship looked awful. Here we go.  We got surfboards now, we have surfboards. And weren't they, were they out of the atmosphere at that point? Oh, don't worry about that, Andrew. Don't worry about the atmosphere, okay? I'm going to.  They were  Easily  in a position where they could burn up or die And how do you surf like their capes weren't even acting like parachutes They were just surfing it.

How did their feet stay on? How did the oh they must have had special magnets because they do that a lot Remember he had a gadget for everything  he was sitting up that night with alfred while alfred was crying in the corner Here's what's gonna happen, Robin's gonna try to jump in front of Freeze, he's gonna get frozen, I'm gonna pick him up, throw him in this pond, heat it up, and then I'm gonna chase Freeze up into his own spaceship, he's too stupid to freeze me altogether, maybe he uses enough of the freeze gun on Robin , he's just gonna freeze my hands, so I'll have Robin put the lasers in his back pocket, so he'll , break me out, , Alfred, did you make sure you packed the surfboards for when the thing explodes?

I forgot, Master Wayne. Please don't beat me again, Mr. Rubber Hose!  

 There's a few more things I want to touch upon, but there's so many things that defy logic in this. Might as well just not even talk about it.

Exactly. It's straight trash. I think y'all can figure out where this is headed by the end. , I gave it away in the first five minutes, so.  So this  Is I think the first movie ever, to use CGI stuntmen.

They didn't do green screen, they didn't do anything, they CGI'd Batman and Robin in that scene.  A history was made in that scene. , Freeze gets away, , with his diamonds.  Which we, I guess we found out that he's using the diamonds to power his freeze suit.

 Diamonds that are so easily crushed mind you that they don't they definitely don't put diamonds in the tip of fucking drills  these are the world's purest diamonds, too They're just so fragile and they actually when they come when they combust in bursts  they make in fact not heat but cold cold.

Fuck me This is dumb as hell.  He had that big ass one that he was like, I just need 15 more of these. I don't think 15 more of those  exist.

He obviously didn't say 15. I'm exaggerating here, but. We're in the Poison Ivy area now. Okay, good. This is a great intro.  Just brilliant. This is my research that I've been doing, and  I am an Earth first person.

And I love plants, and Mother Earth, and oh And this crossbreeding between plants and animals isn't going how I thought it would. You don't fuckin say.   This whole scene to, , sum it up, Ivy's in this fucking weird ass    where the fuck are they doing these experiments?

A lab in South America, somewhere in Brazil. and the lab was so unorganized,  it looked like it had been overgrown with just   weeds and all kinds of shit. It was like some  haunted house meets a fucking greenhouse Who knows  there was no research going on in there Nothing, and she stumbles into a mad lunatic doctor that she's been working next to for how long she has no idea What he's up to he has  these military leaders from across the globe and he throws this  What looked like an eight year old onto a table, and He was a mass murderer.

mass murderer. Yeah. Mass murdering scams. How is he still alive? Yeah, , he looked so emaciated. So he puts him on the table, puts the mask on him, injects him with his, quote, venom.

Venom. Which was written in big, bold letters on a sign.  different gallon jugs, so we didn't forget. Might have been like skull and crossbones, , just playing into all the stereotypes of what you see.  And then Bane was created  And then what's her name that's it boys and Ivy came into the room and then she's privy to what's happening So he goes hmm.

Yes, either sleep with me or die and she obviously goes well when I'm done with you You won't be able to teach at a fucking university. She's like that bitch. I'm gonna Okay, so she comes back into  her little lab, which is just down completely down the hall Not even like through some double doors and she's  all beside herself like oh, this is outrageous How could we destroy the sanctity of life like this?

Meanwhile bane's in there just like fucking destroying shit I'm, not sure what's happening to the military leaders I don't know what's happening to the other men in there clearly It was fine because like she he kills her and by kill her I mean He pushes her over a table and the table has stuff that melts the ground venom venom.

It was written in big bold letters Fucking kill me. He leaves that room to come in and talk to her while bane is in there like mucking shit up We don't even know what the fuck's happening in there. , I hope he did regardless, she comes up as casual. There's no urgency. No urgency comes and then Resurrects  as poison ivy kisses the guy with poison lips As soon as she arises from this underground web of plants and shit, she's a completely different person.

 Fuck everyone, I'm going to seek revenge on all men. I am an evil entity, sociopathic individual, even though I wasn't that before. Here I am, surprise! 

I'm gonna go get Bane.  He just inflated. That's all it is.

Yeah. Yeah.  And for whatever reason, he loves her.  There's no wooing or anything that she has to do. , I'm just gonna take Bane. Come on Bane, honey And he's like, all right, let's go And then he starts dressing like a noir detective  Important piece of evidence we left out before she goes and grabs Bane She grabs a beaker off the shelf and it says Wayne Enterprises and she's like hmm now I know who to seek revenge on the three people that are listening to this i'm gonna tell you right now I made it to about this part and  I couldn't I had better things to do with my day.

I had to do other things I had to go clean up dog shit outside and that's what I did but, I did have to say, Is she fucking British now? She just got up there and all the dialect completely too. And the dialect is horseshit.

There was nobody working with dialects on them on this. Not that they needed to, because you don't need to have a dialect. While we're on it, I think we can all speak to this. This is where I was losing my mind with the dialogue. Because everyone's dialogue was Poison Ivy was talking about plants All the time.

Freeze, who we already established, was talking about cold. Batman was this smarmy, , sarcastic asshole. He was a fucking prick. He wasn't nice, he wasn't altruistic, there was nothing redeeming about him. Yeah, any time someone said something, he would make a smartass, five minute five second comment.

He was also so monotone in some of his deliveries, too. Oh, everyone was monotone. I said earlier, it looked like everyone was delivering their dialogue on the toilet. It was bad.  It makes me regret going to acting school, knowing that I could have just phoned it in for all this shit.

Robin's character, all he was doing was just like, , what about me? You don't trust me!  That's because you're a little dipshit. You're a 32 year old man. You don't, there's nothing you know about life. So shut up.  There was not a single likable character.

Commissioner Gordon was so fucking derpy. I you deserve to die. He would just pop up and he'd be like, Batman! Batman, what are we doing now, Batman, Batman? He's a stereotype of a cop that just fucking sleeps in his car and eats doughnuts and coffee.

That's not Commissioner Gordon, come on. Turns his radio off, and then eventually turns his body cam footage off. Brrrr. Turns it on at the right time, because he's gotta be handcuffed, he don't want to see anything before that.   That guy was just getting to the case of a box of Malamars.  So Poison Ivy confronts Bruce Wayne. They have a back and forth and it is, it's just cringe.  , where Bruce Wayne's , people would come before plants.

I don't care about dumping nuclear waste everywhere. And so now you're automatically like.  I  don't like Batman in this movie. He is in this movie a sarcastic asshole billionaire.  And then there's a point in this movie  where he has a girlfriend and the girlfriend's like, we've been dating a year.

Bruce, how come you're not going to pop the question? I'm going to leave you.  You know, I'm not the type to marry.  Lady,  It's only been a year, this man is the richest man in the world, doesn't she get up and leave, , right away? No, , then he becomes an asshole and calls her Ivy Because,  if you don't know at this point, Poison Ivy has this ability to Like, blow this pheromone into people's nose Entices men specifically she did it to Robin and Batman and now they're like  thinking about her constantly, but they're not really going crazy over her.

They're just thinking about her briefly.  Robin's like, you're just mad because he,  she wants me more than you.  That's the extent of it. Then we get, , a segment where basically to try to catch freeze again. Bruce Wayne, for some reason, , in a charitable event, gives away a huge diamond. 

And I don't know where he got that diamond from. I thought he stole it.  Was it  a diamond? can diamonds be red? Because it was red. I think that'd be a ruby, wouldn't it? Yeah, but at this point, it's gotta be a diamond, because that's what Freeze needs.  It did not look like one.

It did not, but it's this expensive diamond, Batman and Robin, they're in full suits,  and they're waiting to try to capture Freeze  , all of a sudden, Poison Ivy shows up, does her pheromone shit over everybody.  And I remember thinking to myself, , are they bidding on the women?

They were bidding on the women for  a date or something like that.  Yeah, it was super disgusting.  They do that all the time at billionaire charity events. They start bidding, and then Poison Ivy shows up, and these men go crazy because of the pheromones, so they start bidding. And then they go up to like a million with her. Batman and Robin start bidding against each other,  what money does Robin have?

Yeah, no, no, Orphan. Orphan. No, what, what's his line? He says, I'll borrow it from you. I'll borrow from you, six million. And then Batman goes nine million, and then pulls out  the Batman credit card and says, never leave home without it. 

Let's think about this from a logical standpoint. You need a social security number to apply for a credit card. Therefore,  I don't think Batman has his own social security. He was born that way.  He had to give away his identity just to have his own credit card. 

Does Batman get taxed?   I don't understand what the problem is. It doesn't make any sense. No, it makes perfect sense. You guys are just overthinking it. Thank God Free showed up to try to kill everybody,

and he probably did kill a few people. No, no, no, no, no. They had an 11 minute window. But, we didn't see them get de thawed, or thawed, so. But there were a bunch of rich billionaires, so no one cared.  She tries to use the pheromone  on Freeze. 

Freeze is immune to it, cause he's cold hearted. He's like, this horse is too cold, so I don't know what he's cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold. And she's like, plants, plants, plants, plants, plants, plants, plants. And that was, and then I blacked out. Again, I only watched about the first 40 minutes of this two hour movie, and I saw all I needed to see, and that makes sense.

None of this is, is well pieced together. We could jump from scene to scene to scene here and it wouldn't be feeling any better. Let's, let's even do that. Cause the middle of this movie has nothing going for it other than Alicia Silverstone showing up. Which still didn't make any sense.

She shows up and she's barely in the movie. You find out she's , I got kicked out of her fucking boarding school or whatever. She likes to ride bikes and steal the bikes of Bruce Wayne's collection in the garage and go out in the middle of the night in Gotham and race against these, , street punks. 

Plays exactly the same character she did in Clueless. Same exact. Same exact character, which I never thought Alicia Silverstone could play another character.  She's just insufferable. But Robin,  likes her, but also has the pheromone around him  with Ivy.  , he's trying to freeze the entire city and dethaw his wife who has McGregor Syndrome.

Fake. Looked it up. Absolutely fake. Not even a real thing. Not real. It's a comic book thing. Fake.  So she has McGregor syndrome, and then you find out Alfred has McGregor syndrome. McGregor syndrome as well. Fake, not real.  Hers is more progressed than his. Yeah, she's dead. She's dead. She died. She's frozen. And you just want to look at him and say, give it up, bro.



How'd you like his makeup? How'd you like Mr. Freeze's makeup? And the, what they did with his costume. He looked like a spray painted thumb. Yeah.  He was bad. Poison Ivy's like eye makeup and facial makeup and it looks like something I did in 

my college acting class, stage makeup class, it was so fucking just terrible. Bush League awful. Then they start freezing the city. I know we're going in a mile a minute, but I just can't take much more of  going scene by scene. It's so bad. 

They were in Mr. Freeze's little hideout or whatever.  The cops had infiltrated or whatever, but there's a cool switch, and a heat switch, and they turned on the heat switch, and everything was fine. But then his minions come back, they take over, and they turn off that heat switch, to the cold switch, and within seconds, all the cops, and whoever is in there, just start, , falling down, as if they're, Frozen and can't move but it's been like five seconds.

Yeah, and  they're they're they're paralyzed. They can't move They can't do anything and then towards the end when they kick freeze out freeze leaves And they turn the heat switch back on and within seconds people are back up at their feet jumping and running to get the hell out of there like just Illogical bullshit that's the theme with this movie.

It's the same fucking Idiocy over and over and over and over again and even just the basics of filmmaking I cannot fucking stand this when movies do this in this movie egregiously does this  There's scenes in here where there's one of freeze And his wife when he falls into the vat You And they're showing Batman the footage of him falling into the vat and talking to his wife to try to like, give some exposition. 

 It's supposed to be security footage, but it looks like they just shot the footage regularly. They also do that when they reveal that Poison Ivy was turning on Freeze. And they also do that when they reveal that Poison Ivy was turning on Freeze.

He's like I had to pull the plug and it was  same scene we saw earlier if you're going to do Security cam footage or footage you're showing another character in the movie. That's not a movie scene Don't shoot it like the  movie that's such a common trope that they just hammer Over the head on this one that it's like again.

Why even bother?   Don't watch this movie There's just  nothing in this movie that needs to be watched Unless you have  a four year old A four year old deserves better Andrew Honestly, yes, but it would entertain them Paw Patrol, , just turn it on, let them watch that.

 Then they do it in photo form because there's a photo where they're like look at what we see getting off the plane and they show this stupid photo of Poison Ivy and Bane and it's not from a security footage it's just someone who took the photo yeah  from me to you which is like I'm sitting arm's length from Kyle right now I can reach out and touch his like voluptuous hair they're that close and the guy took the photo.

He would be dead. Bane would have killed that man. So that's not a real fucking photo. Bane is like I said, he's dressed like a noir detective.  He has a luchador mask and he has his. Trench coat. Did he get a fedora on at one point too? I don't know if I need to feed this man a steak and coffee or a quesadilla, I don't know what he needs.

I don't know if he got fitted for that fedora, but it had to be pretty wide to fit that,  balloon head of his.  And, ah, my god, I also wanna get to the parts with ,  What's her name? Alicia Silverstone's,  big reveal.   Can we talk about this for a second? Her Batgirl reveal? Yeah. Yeah, we just gave it away,  sorry out there. You ruined it. Alicia Silverstone's Batgirl. So how it's revealed to her is her ailing uncle. That's Alfred. There, it's her, not long lost uncle, about to be , long dead uncle.

Yeah.  Who's 84! , I know he's got McGregor syndrome, or whatever they called it. It's a fake Chase, that's not real. I know he's got it. And they're playing it off  they're all sad, he's gonna die. Just let him go. Just let him go , he was crying in corners.  He's not mentally well.

He's  84 years old. I'm sorry if I'm 84 years old and I'm, Struggling to get through a bat cave? Kill me. Kill me. Don't worry, Chase, none of us are gonna live that long, buddy. Speak for yourself.  He drinks his, , what do you call those? Athletic greens? Yeah! And my own piss. AG1, baby. AG1.

Sponsor us. Sponsor us. But anyways, her uncle, Alfred, creates this, , message. It's on a compact disc on a CD   DVD raw And she puts it into the computer somehow some way 

she basically just opens the door to the bat cave because the door was on in this message was as much of pictures of  bat sign and like the Robin sign and  Pictures of  their costumes and shit like that and then she opens the bat door cave. She walks in she's like, oh Wow  neat it's just like a  a pre recorded video of Alfred that still Communicates with you because he says I uploaded my brain into this  Computer believable.

That's totally real. Then she becomes Batgirl  and just kicks Uma Thurman in the face And that's how Poison Ivy goes down Batgirl just kicks her she falls and her plants just turn on her for some reason She was sitting in them like 15 minutes, not even a few minutes earlier.

Just like resting and enjoying herself And they smelled her weakness. You knew she wasn't the Alphalene anymore that's how Poison Ivy dies in this and Which is fucking stupid, but then I remember she goes over and Batman's , nice get up. Who are you?  In that same kind of Monotone voice and she was like Bruce Bruce.

It's me and he was like, oh  We'll talk about this when we get home. He actually says I'll have to kill you later.   Okay, one, you didn't recognize someone that has your technology on  her and robin have just Sunglasses on basically  if you go home tonight and Gretchen put sunglasses on you like who is this stranger in?

My apartment. I'm calling the cops. Get out. Now freeze is frozen the city  and God, what a horrible final fight scene to it just goes nowhere.

That's another thing. The fight choreography, it was awful as well.  Also. We gotta live in minutes to the city. And they're trying to  triangulate,  satellites to thaw the city.

It's like they like , eight satellites up in the sky and. Batgirl's like, move over, I studied this in, ,  boarding school. I can do this. Yes, naturally. Yeah. GPS, global positioning satellites of the year. But it's going to take a genius to figure that out and go to that upside down screen that's  broken 

She's , not even looking at the screen, she's just looking at Robin going,  and then , the satellites start moving and thawing the city, which no fucking way  gonna thaw all those people in the la that city's gonna be under ice for at least six weeks.

 If the Empire State Building was frozen solid,  a beam of sunlight isn't going to dethaw that in a matter of seconds.  There's probably people back like going, Oh my god, it's a comic book movie. Leave it alone. Did you like all the sound effects of  the ice crackling and melting? Yeah, it's like, To give it enough hey, we're thawing the entire city right now.  It was revealed that it wasn't Batman that killed his wife.  Because Batman pulled up that handy dandy,  Cell phone. It was just a cell phone. , that showed the video of Ivy pulling the plug on his wife. And then bat was like, no, but we saved her. It's fine. She's okay. We were there  he showed the footage that was I was talking about where it's the same Same  shot they did earlier.

They just edited it onto a smaller screen I was like, where the fuck did batman he was knocked unconscious really good at video editing everywhere Does he have cameras everywhere?  Then freeze opens his little wristband  And goes, Take two of these and call me in the morning.

Basically had the medicine to, to cure McGregor syndrome. Which is, doesn't his wife have? Yes.  Died from. So did he solve it after? She didn't die. She was about to die in the freezer. Oh, I just preserved her. Excuse me. Sorry. But he had the cure. He had the cure on his wrist the entire time.

He had two, two vials of it. Yeah, two vials. And so he just, he gave them to Alfred and then they cure Alfred of this fake disease.  Everyone at the end of it's like, Yeah, yeah,  we're gonna make a sequel. Here comes a sequel. Thank god a sequel didn't happen And never and  that's how we wrap it up.

That's how we wrap it up It's the best way you can wrap it up. Underneath all that snow, I know there's a heart. 

And I had to roll my eyes just so incredibly hard at that. I would like to say in conclusion that there have been better porno scripts written in this movie, so. Yes! I've seen toddlers write better scripts. Absolutely. One last point I'll make before we find out if it holds up or not. 

  I know we talk about set pieces. I know we talk about CGI. Did you guys Kyle for the 45 minutes that you watch did you feel like that there was?  Absolutely no life in this city at all.

Nobody lives there. Nobody's ever lived there.  To me, they really, I don't know if they did this on purpose, I'm assuming they didn't by the rest of the script, but the only people you interact with is Bruce Wayne and the Billionaires, or you interact with the villains and just the shittiest human beings alive.

Everyone looks dirty and like they live on the streets and there's like homeless people everywhere I'm not talking about a normal amount of like just dirty people on the streets. I'm talking about like   everyone it was like if we were in this movie right now  You would have  a small schnauzer you feeding like little sausages from a can Kyle would be over there peeing next to a 7 eleven and I would be under four boxes doing heroin They did show some civilians at the end when they were killing people thawed out.

There was a bunch of just people in like business trench coats and like fedoras. That's essentially Those were the billionaires. They were just in the process of walking to their next Those were going to the coffee shops and grabbing their newspaper and using the phone booths, but like they all They  didn't look real.

There was no life. Nobody made any sense. The only characters in this were the main characters we had. They were They boxed themselves in with their dialogue Robin was immature Alicia Silverstone was trying to play this innocent girl. The set was like a fucking fun house. 

It looked like a carnival ride that no one was in line to go to No one wanted to be there , 

I'm sorry. I'm gonna say this right now to kind of segue us into this. I'm sorry that I watched it. I usually don't say that  I'm upset that I gave this time of my day, ,  does it hold up? No. Nope. No, it doesn't. No!   Why don't we each go around and do  our classic 10 scale?

 I'll definitely go first. Negative 14  this was horrible and there was nothing redeemable about it None of the dialogue made me laugh I was nostalgic for it for all of 30 seconds And then this is exactly what this podcast was created for we all had nostalgia about this movie and then we watch it as adults and we're like Holy shit, that was horrible.

Now my childhood is a lie. So, negative fourteen. I get the emphasis on wanting to  strike home how awful it is. Between one and ten. You gotta get between one and ten. Negative fourteen is out of that range. So, give me a number between one and ten. This movie was out of the range of being good. I would agree with Chase.

I would say if I gave it a zero, that means it wasn't good. But if I give it a , Anywhere between one and five. Five is average, right? No, five's not good. Think like IMD. But I would say five, I would say five is muh, you know. Five's not good. And one and two is  oh this movie sucks.

I'm talking this is historically bad. What do you give something that's historically bad? A historic number that's unprecedented. I'll give your number.  I don't give a shit enough to give a negative. He didn't even finish it. I'm not, that should be That's even, that's a definite negative. I don't, I'm gonna agree with Chase because , there's IMDB ratings, there's Rotten Tomatoes, and there's our ratings.

And our rating system could be whatever the fuck we want it to be. And I'm gonna tell you right now, In terms of , don't watch it, it's a 10 That's what I would give it. Don't watch it. 10 I said 2. which is painstakingly low. So I think that's painstakingly high. You're taking it too seriously even giving it that score. Give it like a true IMDb rating. You gave it a higher score than Rotten Tomatoes. Rotten Tomatoes has it, , at 12%,  which I think would come out to, , a 1.

2 in IQ. Let's look up IMDBs, because I It's 3. 8. Okay, so I'm lower than that. 

So bad.  This needs to stay in your childhood.  I regret watching it. I don't think this is something anybody ever needs to watch.  There are much better things you could do with your time. You could go cut your grass. You could go advocate for, , a more healthy justice system in the United States.

You, you could, , clean up water off the ground.  Service your car and then look at the wall while they do it. Go get a prostate exam.  There's just there, there's so many other things. Do your laundry. Do your fucking laundry. Take a shower.  Go file your fingernails down.

File someone else's fingernails down   

it's  Malort, except worse. Oh my god.  I would drink a whole bottle of Malort. Before I whole bottle. I would drink a whole bottle right now. At least you'd get something out of it. At least you'd get drunk. Yeah, exactly. I would do a number of shots. I don't know about a whole bottle.

I would do a number of shots. I would agree with Andrew. I don't think I would ever do a full bottle, but I would do enough to get drunk. And again, that's going to give you more than what we got out of this movie. I'm talking about if you gave me the choice, a whole bottle of Malort or this movie, I'm drinking the Malort.

You might get alcohol poisoning. I don't know. , that'd be more fun.  I'm watching this movie again. Fair point. So there you have it.

It doesn't hold up. Never held up. It was probably really bad when you were a child. You just don't remember it.  Batman and Robin. One of the worst films we've ever seen. Never watch it. Don't ever watch it, please. I beg you.